


Blood of the Lamb

by DaniStormborn



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-04-19 14:42:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14239518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniStormborn/pseuds/DaniStormborn
Summary: Lilith Payne’s parents, had been two of the first of Joseph Seed’s followers. They had followed him all the way from the fields of Georgia where he had first started Eden’s Gate with his family, to the mountains of Montana, where it flourished. She was born there, in the compound, and for eighteen years grew up there knowing no different. Nothing else existed beyond the confines of Hope County. She didn’t know anything did.Thus, Lilith had grown up beneath the noses of Joseph and John Seed.*Set Pre-Game*





	1. Chapter One

* * *

 ""What was summer like for you?"  
She asked him with a smile  
"What's tomorrow without you?"  
He silently replied"

\-- "I Will Always Love You" by Kamelot

* * *

 

She didn’t know how long she had loved him, Joseph Seed. At first, it was nothing more than a girlish crush, innocent and unrequited, her with her skinned knees and her pigtails. But as she grew older, she realized that crush went deeper – much deeper. Love came swiftly behind the realization that she wanted him in the way that a woman wanted a man. That she wanted him to have her the way she let Davie Thurmond have her in the back of his pick-up truck out in the apple orchard on warm summer nights.

 

It was curious, she thought. Joseph preached against the sins of the flesh in church, but she would have to be blind to not notice the looks he had been sending her recently. When she was younger, they were the looks of an authoritarian figure to someone they realized they influenced; all he saw were skinned knees and pigtails – a girlish, toothy grin beaming up at him. Now, whenever she stood with her mother and father to get his blessings at the end of each sermon, she noticed that the looks had changed. It was wholly subtle – not that all plain to just anyone – you had to be looking. At first, he might have just seen her skinned knees and pigtails, but now he saw the silkiness of her long dark hair, the vibrancy of her chocolate brown eyes, the fullness of her lips – of her breasts now that they filled out the tops of her Sunday dresses. His eyes grew hooded whenever she approached, and a couple of times, she saw that he had swallow hard to soothe the sudden dryness of his throat.

 

His hand would always linger around hers for a second longer than he would with the others – than with her ma and pa, for instance. She would see his eyes, imagine those big warm hands on her body, running through her hair and framing her face as he kissed her, on her breasts and in-between her legs. All she had to do was imagine herself clinging to him as he lay between her legs, calves pulling him into her deeper – raising her hips up to meet every thrust of his cock – and that night, she would meet Davie Thurmond in the bed of his truck in the apple orchard. If he took any notice of the way she moaned Joseph’s name when she came, he didn’t say anything.

 

After all, what man could ever hope to compare to the Prophet?

 

* * *

 

Lilith Payne’s parents, had been two of the first of Joseph Seed’s followers. They had followed him all the way from the fields of Rome, Georgia where he had first started Eden’s Gate with his family, to the mountains of Montana, where it flourished. She was born there, in the compound, and for eighteen years grew up there knowing no different. Nothing else existed beyond the confines of Hope County. She didn’t know anything did.

 

It was hard to believe the cult lasted for eighteen years. It was equally hard to believe -- at least to her -- that Joseph Seed was forty-two, his younger brother, John, thirty, his older brother Jacob, forty-four. To Lilith’s ma and pa, it seemed just like yesterday that they agreed to journey to Montana with the Seeds. Because of their loyalty, her father was a Chosen, and a close confidante to the three Seed brothers. Thus, Lilith had grown up beneath the noses of Joseph and John.

 

While Joseph kept his own vigil to himself regarding Lilith’s blooming beauty, and the effect she was starting to have on him, John was not shy about acknowledging his infatuations. “Who knew you would have such a beautiful daughter, Moira!” Lilith remembered John saying to her mother one day after an early Sunday sermon. Lilith, whose attentions, as always, remained firmly focused on Joseph as he stood conversing with her father, only vaguely registered her mother’s warm laugh and thanks to the youngest Seed brother.

 

“Thank you, John, you're so kind! Lilith, don’t be rude -- say thank you! Wasn’t he kind to say such a thing?”

 

Her mother nudged her none-too-kindly in the ribs, and Lilith jumped before settling a wide-eyed stare onto John. He merely smiled at her clear surprise at being unceremoniously dragged into a conversation, and she blushed and quickly averted her eyes as she mumbled a hasty “thank you”. 

 

“No, thank _you_ , Miss. Payne! You have no idea how badly I look forward to Sundays, when I get to see you.” John spoke, charming as ever, and while her mother tittered and fawned over his newfound attentions onto her daughter, Lilith’s gaze returned to Joseph. When she saw that his gaze had been on her while hers had been diverted elsewhere, she flushed again, her head rising slightly. She felt his eyes roam her figure for a moment before she turned to her mother.

 

“May I go back into the church, mother? I wish to pray for a moment.”

 

Moira Payne glanced at her daughter in slight surprise before nodding. “Yes, yes, of course, love! I’ll be here with John waiting for your father. You take your time.” Lilith nodded, and after saying a polite goodbye to John, moved away from her mother and back up the stone steps to the cool confines of the church.

 

She was completely alone in the church, just her and her thoughts, which seemed to only revolve around one subject lately. She took a seat in the first pew, her thoughts whirling. She supposed her only preoccupation being a member of the opposite sex, was only natural for a girl her age who had so recently discovered the joys of sex, she just wished it was someone more in line with her league. Joseph was a middle-aged man, the Father of their entire belief system! Why would he even give her the time of day? She had Davie Thurmond – sweet, kind Davie Thurmond who was content to ignore the moans of another man’s name falling from her lips at the peak of her pleasure, so long as he could continue seeing her.

 

Why was she so drawn to Joseph?

 

“Penny for your thoughts, Lilith?”

 

Her heart slammed in her chest hard enough to hurt, when she heard His voice come from the aisle behind her. His heavy bootfalls echoed on the wood flooring of the church as He approached her, and when Joseph Seed moved to take a seat in the pew beside her, she had to will herself to keep breathing, and her heart to keep beating.

 

Finally, she had gathered enough of her faculties to reply by releasing a polite laugh. “Penny for which one, Father? I have so many . . . I’ve been a little preoccupied, lately.”

 

It was Joseph’s turn to chuckle. “Yes . . . I suppose you do. This period of your life . . . it’s a very hectic, confusing one for a young woman your age. Your lucky you have a mother who loves you enough to guide you.”

 

Lilith smiled. “Mother? Please. She would see me married off to John if she had her way.” She spoke before she could stop herself. Then, realizing what she had said, to _whom_ she had said it, she turned a horror-struck look onto him. “O-Oh, please, Father, do not --!”

 

Joseph chuckling again, interrupted her mid-sentence, and he soothed her by placing a gentle hand onto hers laying on her thigh. “Do not worry yourself, Lilith – everything you say here in the sanctity of the church, is firmly held between us and God. You do not have to worry about a word being said to your mother. You have my word.”

 

Lilith nodded, becoming acutely aware of his hand laying atop hers on her thigh. Her smooth skin below the modest hem of her blue gingham sundress, was becoming warm beneath his hand. He leaned close to her, and her heart beat faster. She could smell him: wind, sun, sweat, and that utterly male musk that she was finding quite appealing to her. He smelled amazing.

 

“Does your mother know about your meetings with Davie Thurmond in the orchards, as well?”

 

Her blood seemed to turn to ice in her veins. He knew? How could he know? And worse . . . what did he think of her, which such knowledge in his head?

 

Terrified, she glanced at him. “H-How do you know about that?”

 

He sent her a glance of amusement. “There are nightly patrols, Lilith, or have you forgotten? That, and I, too, used to be your age. I understand. And I do not judge. Even though you know how God views the subject of sex outside wedlock.”

 

She did indeed. It was his sermon last Sunday. The Sunday he had been standing in front of his pulpit, arms raised heavenwards as he preached, and a cold breeze had blown through. Her nipples had hardened to painful little peaks against the fabric of her dress, showing themselves prominently. Joseph had seen, and his eyes had glazed over at the sight. She didn’t know it, but his cock had hardened at the sight, as well. He had spent the rest of the sermon behind the pulpit. She also didn’t know that John, standing behind his brother, had seen, too. And that he too, had been aroused.

 

Lilith licked her suddenly dry lips as she gently slipped her hand from underneath his, where she placed it on top of his on her thigh, holding it there. She never remembered ever being so bold in her life, but they were alone in the church, weren’t they? She supposed that such a rare occurrence had something to do with her rather surprisingly impromptu confession.

 

“May I confess something to you, Father? I mean . . . I know John handles confessions, but I . . . I don’t think I could confess such a thing to him, as the thoughts that have been preying on my mind.”

 

Joseph nodded, turning himself so that he faced her fully. His free arm was lying across the back of the pew behind her. If she wanted, she could lean her head back and rest it on his arm. “Of course, Lilith.”

 

Turning her eyes onto him, she smiled weakly. “Do you also know that I moan your name when I come? That I imagine Davie Thurmond, is you? That it’s your cock inside me, instead of his? That it’s your cock that makes me come so hard, I sometimes fear I shall stop breathing?”

 

He was silent for a moment, his face expressionless as he gazed at her. She felt herself break out into a cold sweat, terrified that she had offended him in some way, before a slow grin splitting his face, caused her to relax. “Oh, the sins of the flesh I could commit with you, Miss. Payne!” He eventually murmured, affection lacing his tone, and she looked down, blush still burning her cheeks as she smiled.

 

“You flatter me . . . Father.”

 

Joseph chuckled. “And you flatter _me_ , Lilith. An old man like me, should not star in the main portion of your sexual fantasies. It’s not . . . fair.”

 

She turned her gaze back up to his, boldly. “And who should? John?”

 

It would have taken a blind man not to see the dark, clouded look that crossed Joseph’s eyes when she mentioned John taking his place in her fantasies – only imagining how easy that would be. She had to force herself to keep back the smile that threatened to come.

 

Eventually, she spoke, her voice quiet. “I didn’t think so.”

 

“You know what you are asking?” Joseph asked, his voice tightly controlled and unwavering, his gaze fierce. “You don’t know what you want. But trust me, you don’t want this, Lilith. Go back to Davie. Marry him, let him fuck you in the apple orchard. Have his babies. Hide with him in the bunker when the Collapse comes. You do not want this. You do not want _me_.”

 

It was her turn to sit there thoughtfully for a moment. Then, she moved, leaning forward, she reached out a hand, where she cupped his cheek. She saw the war in his eyes to not lean into the touch, and damn her if she did not give him the most angelic smile he had ever seen. “The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought her to the man. Genesis.”

 

His eyes closed, his head bent, and he leaned into the touch. She fought the urge to take him into her arms – to hold him close like Eve had Adam. The door to the church opened, and her hand fell into her lap the same time his left.

 

“Lilith. Your parents are waiting.”

 

John. Lilith glanced at him before returning her eyes onto Joseph. He nodded. “Go.” He spoke, his voice a breathless croak. “I have to . . . think. And pray. Good afternoon, Miss. Payne.”

 

Lilith nodded and slowly got to her feet. She gazed at him for a moment longer, silently willing him to look her in the eyes, but he never did. His eyes remained averted to the pew beneath him, and eventually, she left him. Heading towards John, she gasped when his hand reached out – as fast as a lunging snake – and took hers. Eyes wide with surprise, she turned her gaze up to his, only to see his own peculiar one looking back at her. His gaze was soft, but his eyes were empty. She had heard the rumors about him – about what his “Trials” truly meant to those who wished to be initiated into the community. Was the nothingness she saw there, truly because he was as emotionless as the people whispered?

 

“May I call on you later, Miss. Payne? Your mother said it would be an honor, I merely wanted your permission first.”

 

She glanced a furtive gaze towards Joseph. He still was not looking at her, but she could sense that he was listening. It echoed in every sinew of his rigid body as he sat there where she left him in the pew. Swallowing hard, not knowing what to do, she eventually turned her eyes back onto John and nodded.

 

“Y-yes. I-I suppose you can. If mother says it is alright.” She spoke, and John’s smile broadened.

 

“Then it is decided. I’ll stop by tonight? After supper?”

 

Lilith nodded, and he released her. Immediately, she fled, as politely as she could, to the closed door of the church. Before she darted out, she cast one look back over her shoulder. John was moving to Joseph, his own body as rigid as his brother’s. Joseph’s hand was clenched into a tight fist against the back of the pew, as before she darted out, she saw that fist, as fast as a speeding train, collide with the side of John’s face.

 

She heard John’s body hitting the floor as the door closed behind her.

 

* * *

 

She stood on the porch, watching him, as he approached from the truck he had parked out in the Payne family driveway; clouds of dust swirling up around his tires and fading quickly away. Her heart pounded in her throat as she watched John Seed near her. It was a cool night, for summer, but a refreshing respite from the heat of the day. The breezes brought to her the clean smells of the forests – of pine sap and evergreen – of the clean smell of the wheat in the fields. Crickets chirped in the grass, and somewhere, the family dog snoozed.

 

And still, he neared her.

 

Her fascination with John Seed was large, but by no means as all-encompassing as her obsession with his older brother. If she was being honest with herself, he scared her a little. She had heard the rumors, seen the emotionless depths of his eyes. She was afraid to be alone with him – afraid of what he would do to her in the dark. Afraid of the small part of her that _wanted_ to be alone with him in the dark.

 

As he neared the steps of the porch leading up to her, he finally turned his gaze up to hers, and smiled. He had a bruise forming on the apple of his left cheek. She wisely chose not to comment on this. “Good evening, Miss. Payne. How are you?”

 

So polite. All the Seeds were so polite. It was unnerving.

 

She forced herself to smile and nod. “I am well, John. You?”

 

He nodded and turned his eyes onto the nearby field, where the farmer and his hands had began bundling up bales of hays just that afternoon. “I am . . . well, I’m better, let’s just say that. Rough morning, I’m afraid.”

 

She nodded to his cheek, her hands wringing in front of her stomach. “Does it . . . does it hurt?”

 

Smiling, he shook his head as he returned his gaze onto her. “No. Not anymore. Thank you for asking. For your concern.” They lapsed into silence then, and his gaze was soft as he drank her in, bathed in white moonlight. From inside the house, they heard the lilting of the community’s music playing on the speakers. They didn’t have a TV. Just simple pleasures for the Paynes, the most ardent followers of Joseph Seed and his prophecies.

 

“I wasn’t lying, you know . . . when I said you were beautiful.” He finally murmured, his voice wistful – forlorn. She started, surprised by his words – by the tone they were spoken on.

 

“Th-thank you, John. You flatter me.”

 

He released a breath of laughter, and a nod. “Flattery. It leads to pride . . . a sin. But you already had your confession once today, did you not, Miss. Payne?”

 

“Please, Lilith. C-call me Lilith.” She hurriedly corrected him, feeling herself ease, and her confidence to grow the longer she was around him. He nodded as he finally mounted the steps to the porch. Gesturing to the nearby porch swing, she took a seat and he joined her.

 

“Yes, of course. Lilith. Joseph heard your confession this morning, did he not?”

 

She nodded. “Yes. I would have come to you, but I did not . . . I did not think you would like to hear it.”

 

His eyebrows shot up, threatening to disappear into his hairline. His eyes, beautiful in their cornflower blueness, seemed luminous in the full whiteness of the moon. “That private? Or that sinful?”

 

“You talk of sin as if you do not have any, John.” She spoke, irritancy making it’s way into her voice. She knew Joseph had not told his brother anything she had told him that morning, in the sanctity of the quiet little church. She knew her confession, Joseph would mull over carefully, then keep close to his heart.

 

John’s laughter was a little louder this time – a little more amused. “My sins are dark and deep, Lilith. I meant no offense, I was merely . . . _curious_. What sins have your harbored that you felt like you needed to go to the Father himself for absolution from them?”

 

“Sins of the flesh. Surely, you know that sin well, John.” She spoke, her voice silky, and his smile broadened somewhat. His head canted, his eyes narrowed, his smile became sly. It was a wholly attractive look on him, one that she had to force herself from becoming attracted to. John was handsome, of that, there was no doubt. As handsome and charming as the devil himself.

 

“Somewhat more than most, I’d wager. And what did the sins of the flesh . . . _encompass_ , dare I ask? Your nighttime meetings with Davie Thurmond in the apple orchard, or something of a more . . . _blasphemous_ nature?”

 

She balked at this. God, did _everyone_ know of her and Davie Thurmond?  

 

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “That, is where I will politely ask that will remain none of your business. I thought confessions were supposed to be private? Now, why are you here, John Seed? What do you want with me?”

 

His eyes narrowed a smidgen more before the sly look melted from his face like ice, a friendlier one replacing it. His finger traced a whorl in the wood of the porch swing, his eyes moving to follow it. “It occurred to me that you must be growing bored of Davie Thurmond. Of course, you are – a beautiful and intelligent young woman like you forced to endure the fumbling grasps of a young man who barely knows how to work his own cock, much less give _you_ pleasure with it! And it occurs to me that I find you . . . very, very attractive, let’s put it that way. So, I came by with a proposal. Let me . . . _take_ Davie’s place.”

 

It was Lilith’s turn to narrow her eyes. Her arms crossed in front of her ample bosom, and she had to give him props: John didn’t look at this motion. “What are you suggesting? That I stop fucking Davie and move on to you? You know, my sin may be of the flesh, John Seed, but I’m not a slut!”

 

“I wasn’t suggesting that you were! Just that . . . an arrangement like this, would be mutually beneficial for the both of us.”

 

She gave a snort of laughter. “How so?”

 

John gave a long, lazy shrug. “I haven’t had any complaints, if you know what I mean. And your beautiful, young – a young woman in the blossom of her sexuality. So, face it, Lilith: Davie’s not going to satisfy you for much longer. What are you going to do when his fumbling grasps stop being cute and start edging on irritating?” He cocked a brow. “Take care of yourself? How long would _that_ last? So, what I am suggesting, is an arrangement based on mutual pleasure. We’ll have our fun, and in return, I’ll even take care of you. An allowance, access to my ranch and all the amenities it has to offer. Access to _me_ . . .”

 

“So, I’ll be a kept woman? Will we be courting, then?” She asked, her jaw hardened in irritation. She didn’t know quite what to make of this proposal yet. Or what kind of angle John was trying to work with it. It couldn’t all be because he wanted to sleep with her.

 

Could it?

 

John’s jaw hardened at that, and a dark, cloudy look not at all dissimilar to the one his brother has worn earlier, flitted across his eyes. He looked away. “I . . . unfortunately, such a thing is out of the question.”

 

Her brows lifted. Really now? What was this?”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Lilith, I think --”

 

“What is it, John? You want my body, but you don’t want me? You just want me for a couple of fucks before you get bored, not at all considering how this will _ruin --_!”

 

“Joseph forbid it!”

 

The words, spoken by John and which had interrupted her mid-sentence, in a harsh and infuriated voice, caused a heavy silence to immediately thud between them. She remained silent, allowing John to calm himself for a moment before swallowing hard and breaking the silence himself: “Joseph . . . has said that a such thing between us, would be displeasing to God. We both know what that means.” He spoke, his voice carefully schooled, as he glanced at her. Her heart thudded in her chest as he continued: “However, a situation in which we . . . in which _you_ grace my bed, is not.”

 

Her mouth had suddenly gone dry – as if all the moisture had been replaced with sand. She gazed at him for a moment, barely comprehending his words, unable at all to reconcile that he had said them. “So . . .” She spoke, but then trailed off, at a complete loss as to what to say. She swallowed hard to get past the lump that had been forming uncomfortably in her throat. “He doesn’t want me . . . he doesn’t want me to marry?”

 

“Evidently not.” John spoke, frostily, as he continued to avoid her gaze. “I . . . at first, I asked if I could court you. He said no. Said this arrangement . . . would suit _him_ , better.”

 

This new piece of information thudding into her head, almost made her vomit. And almost destroyed her view of Joseph. Almost.

 

“So, I’m just . . . nothing more than a . . .” She trailed off, her jaw hardening. Angry tears filled her eyes as she looked away. She felt his eyes on her. “I’m nothing more than someone who has be readied for him? Like a doll? Like a _vessel_?”

 

She felt his hand gently take hers and squeeze it. “If it’s any consolation . . . I didn’t want this either, Lilith.”

 

“What do you mean? Is he using you, too?” She asked, venomously, with a scathing laugh, and he chuckled too.

 

“No. I mean . . . yes, I guess you could look at it that way. But no, I didn’t . . . I didn’t _just_ want you because I find you intensely desirable. I wanted you completely. I wanted to court you – to eventually marry you. I didn’t want to denote you to just a common . . . _hand-off_.”

 

“Then why agree to this?” She asked, her anger causing her to lash out at him. “Why agree to making me a . . . _hand-off_ , then?”

 

His eyes were soft again as he gazed at her, his voice gentle when he spoke: “Because if this is all I’m going to get, then I might-as-well take it. I’d rather have loved you and inevitably lose you to him, than never have had you at all.”

 

She didn’t know why. But through numb lips she told him she would think about it.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this thing blew up fast! I had no idea this piece would become this popular this quickly -- it feels awesome! Couple formalities to get out of the way before I can let you proceed, however . . .
> 
> 1.) The Faith character in this piece -- and who makes her debut in this chapter -- is the *pre-game* Faith. So yes, you get an entirely new Faith than the one in the game. We know there had been a previous Faith, but we don't really learn anything about her. Until now, that it. That being said, she is rather . . . different. As is her relationship with Jacob. But hell, we're dealing with a fucked up cult here, so we might-as-well make the relationships fucked up as well lol.
> 
> 2.) Song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter are centered around, and have something to do, with all the respective relationships in the game, although not necessarily that chapter. A majority with be a nod to JohnxLilith, JosephxLilith, and/or JosephxLilithxJohn, but occasionally to JacobxFaith. Really, it's whichever you like. It's objective, I guess lol. I do encourage you to listen to the songs, because they were primarily what I listened to when I wrote each chapter.
> 
> 3.) Don't forget about Davie! He's going to be an important character later on!
> 
> 4.) And finally -- cast list time! Videogame characters are videogame characters, but here are original inspirations:  
> Lilith: Alexandria Daddario  
> Faith: Victoria Justice  
> Davie: To be Decided (If ya'll have an idea, feel free to leave a suggestion!)
> 
> That's all for now, brothers and sisters! So, read, review, and enjoy!
> 
> Loves!  
> \-- DaniStormborn

* * *

 "Maybe I'm foolish  
Maybe I'm blind  
Thinking I can see through this  
And see what's behind  
Got no way to prove it  
So maybe I'm blind  
But I'm only human after all  
I'm only human after all  
Don't put your blame on me  
Don't put your blame on me"

\-- "Human" by Rag'n'Bone Man

* * *

 

“Why if it isn’t Lilith Payne, as I live and breathe? Want to come in honey, out of the heat? I just brewed some of my famous lemonade?”

 

Lilith couldn’t help but smile at Gemma Thurmond’s cheerful, welcoming tone as she met the young girl on her front porch. Lilith had come to speak to Davie – to tell him what, she had no idea. Only that she had come to a decision regarding John’s proposal. And that it did not all-together work in Davie’s favor.

 

She decided last night, not soon after John left, what she would tell him. After graciously thanking her mother and father for allowing him to come and see her, of course. He left with her mother glowing and asking her questions over exactly _why_ he had come and _what_ they had talked about. She shrugged her nosy mother away, her head smarting from all the information she had just been slammed with, as well as the implications and heaviness of his proposal. A lot of what he said rang true. Davie was a sweet guy, but she was quickly growing tired of him. Outgrowing him, she supposed she could say. And John, he was . . .

 

She remembered his blue eyes. The smarmy smile he would always wear – the thickness of his black hair and beard. He wasn’t Joseph, but . . .

 

Lilith forcibly brought herself back into reality when it was becoming clear to her that her unnaturally long silence was starting to slightly unnerve Gemma. The Thurmonds weren’t a part of the community. They were outsider’s simply paying homage to the Seeds. They owed the Seeds their entire farm, for Joseph had bought them out of bankruptcy in return for a cut of their profits. In time, they might join the community, but for now . . . the community didn’t have the reputation it would have in the next few upcoming years, but a lot of the citizens of Hope County still viewed them with mistrust. And some, treated them as if they were loony. Gemma Thurmond had always been nothing but kind to Lilith. She didn’t want the older woman to think she _was_ loony.

 

“Y-your sweet, Mrs. Thurmond, and I would take you up on that, but I’m . . . I’m here to see Davie. Is he around?”

 

“Davie?” She spoke, surprise entering her voice, before she nodded. Wiping her hands off on a dishcloth she had carried with her outside, she gestured to the barn just across the yard. “He’s behind the barn. Just came back from the feed store. He should be unloading the truck now. Go on ahead and go see him. Come inside for some lemonade later if you want!”

 

She smiled and thanked her before she took off in the direction of the barn, Gemma returning inside to her baking. A breeze blew through, ruffling the hems of her sundress, and she had to squint against the glare of the bright sun. She couldn’t help but wish for rain soon. It had been so _dry_ , lately . . .

 

Davie was indeed unloading the truck behind the barn. Lugging the heavy feed sacks from the bed of the truck, into the feed room attached to the back of the barn, he was sweating from the exertion and the heat. Vaguely, she found herself wondering where his father, Sam Thurmond, was. The curiosity disappeared, though, as soon as she saw him.

 

Davie was good looking, in a good ol’ country boy, way. Tall, tanned, and muscular from working on a farm his entire life, his eyes were a big and beautiful blue. Not as beautiful as the Seeds’ were, but close. His hair was a thick dirty blonde, his face still holding on to those last vestiges of teenage fat. He was nineteen, a year older than her, but all she saw was that shy sixteen-year-old she met in Hope Falls’ general store two years ago.

 

He caught sight of her, and immediately, a grin split his features. It was one of happiness, of . . . of something closely resembling puppy love, and a hot spike of guilt slammed into her stomach. This wasn’t right, what she was about do to him. Tell him she was breaking up with him for another man. That the other man was a _Seed_ , would probably not go over well. Even to someone who grew up in a family who owed the Seeds their entire livelihood, and who actively defended them whenever they or their community was brought up in a bad light.

 

“Lilith! What are you doing here?”

 

They always met out in the orchard. She never came to his house, and he never _dreamed_ of coming to hers. She  could only imagine her mother and father’s reaction if an _outsider_ showed up on their front porch asking to talk to their daughter.

 

It simply wouldn’t be done.

 

She tried to smile, but it was weak, useless. Her hands twisted nervously in front of her stomach. “Hey, Davie, I didn’t . . . I’m sorry I’m just showing up, but I need to . . . need to talk to you about something.”

 

He nodded and closed the tailgate of the truck, where he moved to lean on it. ‘”Okay. Shoot.”

 

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out before speaking. Might-as-well cut to the chase, she supposed. “I . . . we can’t meet anymore. We can’t see each other, I mean.”

 

Davie stood there, blinking stupidly for a moment before he eventually answered with a slow: “Why?”

 

“The easy answer: I’m moving.”

 

He shook his head, bewildered. “Where? Why?”

 

She shifted uneasily from foot-to-foot for a moment, unsure of how much to tell him. “I’m . . . well, I’m . . . I’m going to live with someone. A-another man. It was decided within the community.”

 

Davie’s brows furrowed gently. “ _Who_ in the community?”

 

“Joseph. Joseph decided.”

 

“No, I meant, _who_ in the community are moving in with? And why?”

 

She swallowed hard. “John Seed. And I’m . . . Joseph decided that I should live with John, because eventually, we are to married.”

 

Davie recoiled from these words, his eyes growing wide with shock. “John – John _Seed_? Lilith, he’s thirty! And you're eighteen!”

 

She gave a shrug. “So?”

 

This word seemed like a slap in the face to him, for he recoiled again. “S- _So_? Lilith, what kind of community is Heaven’s Gate if they allow a thirty-year-old _man_ marry an eighteen-year-old woman? That’s . . .” He trailed off, his head shaking in continued bewilderment, and Lilith decided right then and there that she would continue with the lie that her and John were marrying. The truth would be far harder to explain, let alone far harder for him to comprehend and accept. This was easier. And less painless and bloody. “That’s . . . _wrong_!”

 

Lilith stood there for a moment, before she gave another shrug. “I’m not . . . it’s not like I didn’t have a choice. I did, Davie. John came himself and asked me. I agreed. They’re not forcing me. I’m going to him of my own freewill.”

 

Davie gazed at her, goggle-eyed at her words, as if he couldn’t understand _why_ she had made such a decision. “But . . . but _why_ , Lilith?” He asked, weakly, damn near helplessly, and Lilith cast her eyes down to the ground while she slowly tucked a lock of her long dark hair behind her ear.

 

"John is . . . John is a pillar of our community, Davie. I know you don’t understand, but this is a _huge_ honor! For me, for my family . . . even if I wanted to, I just can’t say _no_! And even if I didn’t want to, what Joseph says is law. His decree just . . . happens to be what I want.”

 

"Oh, and I suppose him being tall, dark, and as handsome as the devil in his Sunday best, probably doesn’t hurt, either, does it?” Davie snapped back, his tone turning to anger, and Lilith shook her head.

 

“Davie, please, I know this is hard – that’s why I came in person to tell you! I didn’t want to just drop all contact with you! I wanted to tell you myself because I do care about you --!”

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

“ _Yes_ , I do!” She spoke back, her voice irritated and brooking no argument. “I do care about you, Davie. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

 

“Then why marry him? Why choose him over me? ‘Cause that’s what I don’t understand right now, Lilith! Why choose a thirty-seven-year-old man over a guy your own age? Who can grow old with you, who you can have a family with --”

 

“I can have a family with John, if I wanted to, you know, Davie.” She interrupted him quietly, her hands balling into fists. She hadn’t thought of such a thing, actually, until he brought it up. She knew she should have, but everything had happened so fast, the thought had never occurred to her. _Would_ she be expected to start a family with John Seed? Surely not, considering Joseph didn’t want them to marry, but still . . . accidents happened, things occurred in a certain way . . . was John’s children in her future?

 

Sensing that this conversation would lead nowhere but rings around each other, she shook her head and began slowly backing up. “I came here to tell you my decision. That was all. I must go now, Davie. I’ve got to pack my things.”

 

Surprise flickered across his features. “ _Now_? Your leaving _now_?”

 

She shook her head. “No, but soon. John is coming to fetch me himself.”

 

It was his turn to shake his head this time, in sadness and bewilderment. “W-wait, do I-do I have a chance of seeing you again – before you go?” He asked, and she shook her head.

 

“Probably not. John wants to move me as fast as possible. This time tomorrow . . .” She trailed off, not able to say what was really on her lips. That this time tomorrow, it would be John Seed’s bed she would be lying in. “This time tomorrow I’ll be home.”

 

* * *

 

Faith Seed – the _original_ Faith Seed – looked the spitting image of her two older brothers, despite absolutely no relation to them by blood. Long dark hair, blue eyes – pretty in a way that made you hate her for it. But unlike her two younger brothers, and more like her older brother, Faith was a loner. She kept to herself – rarely found someone else’s vigil but her own. She was close to Jacob, because of that. And while she loved John and Joseph, it was to Jacob she found herself hovering around during family meetings. Only _Jacob_ ever really truly understood her.

 

“I’m worried about him.”

 

Jacob glanced up from the rifle he was busy cleaning in his lap. “Oh?”

 

She nodded, her fingers worrying at the delicate gold cross hanging around her neck. “I can’t help it. I’ve tried, Jacob, I really have. He’s just . . .” She shook her head. “He’s lost his path.”

 

Jacob chuckled, his attention back on his gun. “John’s always been lost. He’s never really had a “path”, either. He said “yes” to whatever ma told him, because he was lost in his desire for her love, ignoring the fact that we heaped it on him – on _both_ of them! He went to law school because he was lost in his desire for dad’s acceptance, never mind the fact that the asshole wasn’t at his graduation and _we_ were!” He shook his head and glanced up at her. “John’s always been lost, Faith. It’s his way. It’s always been his way. Boy’s just doomed to be lost his entire life, I guess.”

 

She turned to face him fully, her face expressionless but her eyes fierce. Standing in front of the window like she was, the fading sunlight behind her, she seemed almost ethereal. Captivated, Jacob slowly – carefully -- set down his rifle against the wall as Faith broke out into a tirade: “And what did I do when you came home to us, Jacob, a damn-near broken man – delirious with guilt and post-traumatic stress? Did I cast you from the garden like God did Adam and Eve? Or did I lay my hand on your sweaty brow and soothe you like God did Job in the end?” Barefoot, she padded across the floor towards him, her hands reaching out to him, as light and gentle as a young maiden soothing a savage beast.

 

The touches of a lover.

 

Her voice had softened. “Or like Zipporah did Moses after he fled from Egypt, a broken man?” She shook her head. “You thought you had no path either, when you returned to us from that accursed country. And did Joseph and I not show you your path? Did we not embrace you, call you brother, and give you a reason to live?” Her hands smoothed over his scarred, pitted cheeks, her gaze loving. “Did I not take you in my arms, hold you to my breast, and call you lover?”

 

Jacob swallowed hard and looked away. “John is different, Faith. You know he is.”

 

“Maybe he is.” She spoke, a smug tone to her voice, as she backed away from him slightly, and he turned an interested gaze onto her.

 

“What are you talking about, Fay?”

 

“The Payne girl . . . Lilith. He’s enamored with her.”

 

Jacob eyes widened imperceptibly for a moment before he sat back, arms moving to cross in front of his chest. “Joseph’s girl?”

 

Faith shook her head. “He hasn’t claimed her yet. He has no right calling her that.”

 

Jacob nodded. “You’re right. But everyone knows he has eyes on her. Intentions for her. Everyone knows this whole . . . “allowing John to have her”, thing, is just a snake-trap. Lord only knows why Joseph is so eager to do this to John. Maybe he thinks heartache will make him find his path – bring him back into the fold. But here’s the thing: I had men like John in my platoon. Shit like this doesn’t humble them – it drives them closer to the edge. I’d hate to see how John would act, driven that far.”

 

“Maybe if we . . . divert Joseph’s attentions elsewhere. Make him forget Lilith, so that John can have her fully.”

 

Jacob shook his head, laughter escaping from his throat. “I love you, Faith. God above knows I do. I love my brothers too – I fought through hell and back protecting them when we were kids. I would do anything for them – for _any_ of you! But the way the three of you – Joseph and you especially! – treat this girl . . . she ain’t a hunk of damn meat, Faith! Damnit, at least John _tries --!_ ”

 

“I would slit the throat of anyone who tries to fuck with this family, Jacob!” Faith spoke, interrupting him mid-sentence, her voice venomous. Her eyes were wild, angry. Originally, those eyes were what had first drawn him to her. As wild as the outdoors he loved so much – as the wild mustangs that sometimes roamed the valleys of the Montana mountains. But she was also so much like Joseph, it scared him. The both of them were zealots, through and through. And Jacob couldn’t help but wonder as to how the hell he had screwed up so badly, for the two of them to end up this way. Had he not loved them enough?

 

Had he not loved _her_ enough?

 

 _Did_ he not love her enough?

 

“I didn’t say you wouldn’t, sweetheart.” Jacob spoke, quietly. “But Lilith Payne is only eighteen. She doesn’t know any different – doesn’t know a _lick_ of your games or mindfucks. Be gentle with her, is all I ask. She never asked for any of this. Doesn’t deserve it either.”

 

“And you think I want this girl to be here?” She asked, her tone calmer, but still tight – as if she could go off on him at any moment. And knowing Faith, she would and _could_. “Everything was fine before she grew into her looks! John lost his path – Joseph is _tempted_ to lose his path! And Joseph, he . . . he _can’t_ lose his path, Jacob! Where would we be without him? How will we survive the Collapse without him? This girl, she-she --” Faith shook her head, not knowing what to say for a moment. “She’s _dangerous_! To us, to the community – to Joseph, especially!”

 

“Then let John have her and be done with the damn thing!” Jacob snapped, his anger starting to get the best of him, as his hands curled into fists against his blue-jeaned thighs, and Faith fell silent then, her eyes unblinking on him.

 

“She already has Joseph’s attentions. You know as well as I, myself, now, that, that will be easier said than done.”

 

Jacob gazed at her for a moment before speaking, his tone quiet and as hard as hers. “I’ll talk to him. But that’s all I can promise.”

 

“You know what has to be done if he won’t listen, right?” She asked, and Jacob grew silent again. When he spoke this time, his voice was quieter, harder. Through grit teeth, almost.

 

“Pray it won’t come to that. She’s innocent, Faith.”

 

Faith arched a brow as she moved towards him again, her fingers undoing the buttons to the front of the dress she wore. A sly smile was on her face, and Jacob leaned back as she neared him. Like a snake, she slithered onto his lap, and she felt the hardness of him through the tenting of his jeans pressing against the warmth between her legs. Her hands smoothed across his cheeks, into his hair – her fingernails, painted a vibrant emerald green, scraped gently against his scalp, and he shuddered in bliss.

 

“Weren’t we all innocent, Jacob? And something tells me this girl won’t be for long. Then she’ll be just like us. Sinners, all of us.”

 

His head falling back, his eyes heavy-lidded, his gazed at her. Hands moved inside her dress to grip her waist. “And what is my sin, Faith?” He asked, and she smiled.

 

“Yours is the same as John’s. Covetousness. You both want what you can’t have. What you _shouldn’t_ have.”

 

Jacob grinned then, and with Faith shrieking in delight, stood with her in his arms. “Well then . . . if I’m going to hell, I might-as-well enjoy the ride, right?”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll are awesome! All these kudos really make a girl feel good and inspired! Here's the next chapter for you; hope it serves.
> 
> P.S.: Totally didn't realize the song chosen as the lyrics, totally fit JacobxFaith, as well as JohnxLilith, but in such a good way! Don't you love it when shit turns out that way?

* * *

 “Cry, little sister (Thou shall not fall)   
Cry, Come to your brother (Thou shall not die)   
Unchain me, sister (Thou shall not fear)  
Love is with your brother (Thou shall not kill)

 

My Shangri-Las   
I can't forget   
Why you were mine   
I need you now”

\-- “Cry Little Sister” by Aiden (as Sung on “The Lost Boys”)

* * *

 

It sounded so silly, but Lilith spent hours debating on what she would, and would not pack. She didn’t know how much John wanted her to take with her. How much he would _allow_ her to take with her. He didn’t specify, only said that he would come pick her up when she was done. How he would _know_ she was done, was beyond her, but true to his word, not a mere hour after she finally deemed herself finished, he showed up in an impeccably clean white pick-up. She waited for him on the porch with her parents, beams of pride on their faces. To think: two of the first of Joseph Seed’s followers, their only daughter – who they had borne in His name, praise the Father – was chosen as a companion to John Seed, the youngest brother. How fortunate their daughter was – how fortunate _they_ were!

 

“Mr. Payne. Mrs. Payne.” John spoke when he cut the engine on the truck and got out. Making his way towards them, that same charming smile on his face, his eyes connected with Lilith’s. She bore the brunt of them for a moment before looking away, blush blooming on her cheeks when she heard his next words: “I promise you, Frank, I will take very good care of your daughter. She will wont for nothing.”

 

“Oh, I know, John,” Frank Payne spoke, pride evident in his voice as he gazed at the youngest Seed. His arm was around his beaming, happily weeping wife. This was much more than they had ever envisioned for their daughter. The possibilities for her were endless, now. “You do us a great honor taking a fancy in our Lilith. May she make you happy.”

 

John continued to smile as he gazed at Lilith. “May I make _her_ happy, Frank. That is all I wish: to make your daughter happy.” Taking a few steps towards her, clearing the remaining distance between them, he held out his hand to her. “Are you ready, Lilith? Would you do me the great honor of accompanying me home?”

 

She finally drug her eyes up off the ground to his at his words. She held his gaze for a moment – that _beautiful_ blue gaze that ensnared her no matter how desperately she did not want it to – before nodding. She had destroyed every shred of her former life for him. She had broken things off with Davie, said her goodbyes to her friends (how few they were) and parents . . . whatever lay ahead for her, whatever wicked webs may lay in her future, she was ready for her life with John. With her heart thumping like mad in her chest, she stepped forward and took his hand. It was smooth and warm in hers, his thumb gently brushing over her knuckles. His eyes were soft and filled with an emotion she thought she recognized, but one she did not, in no way, wanted to admit that John felt for her. It was impossible. He barely knew her. She barely knew him. Who could base such an emotion on such cold, hard facts.

 

But still . . . she could see her future in John. As terrified as that made her, she knew she couldn’t ignore it. To do so would be a travesty. Possibly against God.

 

She nodded, swallowing hard. “Yes, John. Yes, I’ll come home with you.”

 

The slow smile that spread across John’s face was almost beautiful. ““Yes” . . . you have no idea how much I love that word. And how much I love it more coming from you.”

 

“The Power of Yes.” Her mother spoke, as if the words were gospel, and John nodded, a smile on his face as he gazed at Moira Payne standing there on her porch with her husband’s arm around her shoulders, tears of joy for her daughter streaming down her cheeks.

 

“Yes . . . _yes,_ Moira! The Power of Yes . . .” He trailed off then before returning his eyes onto Lilith. His thumb skated across the smoothness of her knuckles again, causing her to shiver. “Joseph will be making the announcement of our cohabitation to the congregation this Sunday. He expects us to be there.”

 

She was pretty sure living with a man who was not of your family, outside of the sanctity of marriage, was a sin, but she imagined Joseph cherry-picked the sins he thought most pertinent to his congregation and to his family. The hypocrisy of the situation almost made her laugh, but she staved it off. That wouldn’t be wise. Instead, she turned her gaze onto her parents.

 

“You’ll be there, right?” She asked, and her mother nodded.

 

“Oh, of _course_ we will, Lilith! Such an honor bestowed upon our family – to _you_! – we wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

 

Lilith had a strange relationship with her parents. She loved them, yes, but she wasn’t entirely sure they loved her . . . not in the way normal parents loved their children, anyway. Not like Gemma and Sam Thurmond loved Davie. She always got the keen feeling that she was borne specifically to serve the will of the Father . . . in whatever capacity that may be. Her mother alone treated her with a certain religious distance, as if a daughter-child was worth nothing until she married or attracted a man worth noticing. But at least she took notice of her every day. Her father, on the other hand, acted as if she simply wasn’t there. Unless she had to be talked to, Frank Payne was content with the fact that he could ignore her.

 

He always did hold it against Moira for not baring him the son he so wanted.

 

That was, until she attracted the attentions of John Seed. Then things changed. They started treating her differently – with more love and respect. In fact, this was the most love for her she had ever seen echoing in her parent’s eyes since she could remember.

 

Her hand tightened on John’s while her lips thinned into a neat little line as she gazed at her parents. John squeezed her hand back as he spoke, his voice quiet. And the look in his eyes . . . was it understanding? Did he understand what she had to deal with growing up? This kind of . . . _distance,_ from your parents?

 

“We should go, Lilith. We’re losing daylight.”

 

She nodded, her parents making no move to embrace their daughter. Her mother simply smiled and mouthed to her that she loved her, while her father remained content to ignore her. His arm retracted from around her mother’s shoulders, and he descended the steps, where he held out his hand to John. The smile on John’s face wasn’t as genial as it normally was as he moved to shake her father’s hand. There was a tightness and a rigidity to it now that momentarily alarmed her.

 

“Well, thanks for picking her up, John. You have no idea --”

 

“Aren’t you going to embrace your daughter, Frank? After all, this might be one of the last times you see her for a long time. Don’t you want to show her you love her?”

 

The tone of John’s voice was unlike anything she had ever heard in it before. She recoiled from him, both in surprise, and an innate, seemingly primal desire to move away from him, but his hand did not release hers – on the contrary, it felt like stone. He pulled her to his side, and she went, willingly, her feet taking her before her brain could fully command her to. John had yet to release her father’s gaze, his face that same expressionless mask he seemed to wear, and which Joseph had perfected. His arm wound around her waist, pulling her against him, and again, she had no choice in which to comply. It was strange, she thought . . . why was she so powerless around John?

 

“You know what say about daughters, Frank,” John continued, his voice adopting a silky tone to match the venom. “A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter all her life. And are daughters not the ones who grow to birth the next generation? Will Lilith not give you your grandchildren?”

 

She saw her father’s throat bob as she glanced uneasily at John. “John, it’s fine. Your right, we should go. We’re burning daylight, like you said. And I’m hungry, too!” She immediately added, a nervous laugh coming to her throat. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

 

John held her father’s gaze for a moment longer, before glancing at her. He smiled, his smile still tight, but no where near as tight as it had been moments ago. His hand moved to lay between her shoulder blades as he turned and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her skin burned where his lips had touched it, and despite her wants, a strange fluttering appeared in her stomach at the motion.

 

“Of course, sweetheart! How callous of me! Forgive me, Mr. Payne. I just find it strange you do not wish to say goodbye to your own daughter. Even Mrs. Payne said goodbye in her . . . own way.” He spoke, and Frank swallowed hard again before adopting a smile that mimicked his.

 

“No offense taken, Baptist. And forgive me, too, Lilith, for an old man’s aloofness. I simply . . . it is tough, watching you go. I simply wished to spare myself further heartache.” He glanced behind himself at his wife, who looked particularly pale at John’s words. “Moira too. It is simply . . .” He gave a shrug as he turned to reface them both. “It is simply our way.”

 

She nodded, knowing better than most, their ways. “It’s fine, father. We’ll say our final goodbyes Sunday.” Frank nodded in agreement as John’s hand ghosted over her lower back.

 

“Ready?” He asked, and she nodded.

 

“Of course. I can’t wait.”

 

His smile had softened again as he nodded to her bags on the porch beside her mother. “Your things?” She nodded, and Frank moved to pick them up.

 

“Here, I’ll take them to the car for you, baby.” He spoke, and Lilith couldn’t stop the look of shock that appeared on her face, and knew that John had noticed it before she could sufficiently pack it away. Her father had never called her by any sort of pet name in her entire existence. In fact, she was pretty sure he had never called her mother by one, as well. Moving past them, Frank placed the bags in the bed of the truck, as John and Lilith moved to join them. Her mother stayed on the porch and waved when she turned back to look at her. Lilith returned the wave, although half-heartedly. She couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to her mother now that she wouldn’t be living with them anymore.

 

“Here, sweetheart, let me get the door for you.” John spoke as he moved forward to open the passenger side door for her. She smiled her thanks as she got in, John closing it behind her. She heard the crunch of his boots on gravel as he approached her father, no doubt to shake his hand again. He did, amiably, and the words he spoke next, while spoken on the same amiable tongue as his gesture, nonetheless sent shivers down her spine.

 

“Frank, why don’t you come to my bunker on Monday.”

 

She could practically envision her father’s surprise recoil. “Your bunker? Why?”

 

Likewise, she could only imagine the genial smile on John’s face -- how hollow it was, how cold his eyes were -- as he replied: “Because I think you have some sins you need to confess and atone for, Frank. Do I need to speak to Jacob about this? Or shall I expect to see you, Monday?”

 

There was silence for a moment until her father spoke, his voice weak with fear. “Y-Yes, Baptist. You shall have me in your bunker on Monday.”

 

“Good.” John spoke, and she heard the crunch of his boots again as he moved around the truck to the driver’s seat. Opening the door, he slid in behind the wheel. Turning the key in the ignition, the truck started up with a soft purr.

 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Lilith spoke, before she could stop herself, and John glanced at her as he backed out of the drive and took off down the road.

 

“Do what?”

 

She gestured behind them. “Do _that_. Make a fool of him. He’s a proud man. You know how difficult that was for him.”

 

“Pride, is a sin, Lilith -- the worst of all the sins, for was not pride, that cast Lucifer down from heaven? And that man, aside from Pride, has many more. Believe me, his presence in my bunker for a confession and atonement, is long overdue. The one sin he has that angers me the most, though, is “Fathers who Provoke their Children to Wrath”. In other words, he’s a father who doesn’t give a shit about his kids. Or, sorry, kid. Excuse me, if I took offense to that.”

 

“And what is my sin, John Seed? If Joseph preaches that everyone is sinful, then what is mine? Will I be expected to confess and atone to you in your bunker one of these days?”

 

John chuckled and looked at her. “I look at you, Lilith, and I see no sin. Other than . . . possibly fornication, but . . .” He shrugged. “But no, I don’t think I’ll drag you kicking and screaming into my bunker for just that.”

 

“And what about the sin of us living and sleeping together outside of marriage? Chambering, do they call it? I’d consider that a pretty serious sin.”

 

John laughed this time, instead of simply chuckling. Shaking his head, he spoke: “Chambering, is not one of Joseph’s sins. He doesn’t acknowledge it, I should say. You have nothing to worry about.”

 

“Of course, he would. After all, isn’t he concerning himself with us?”

 

John stayed silent for a moment, longer than she thought he would. They were halfway to the Seed Ranch when he finally spoke, his voice quiet but hard. “I don’t want you to think, in any shape, form, or fashion, that Joseph coerced me into doing this with you.” He glanced at her, and she couldn’t bring herself to not meet it. His gaze was open, and she saw no dishonesty echoing in the beautiful blue depths. “ _I_ want you here with me, Lilith. If I didn’t, there would have been nothing Joseph could have done or said, that would have made me come to you with that proposal. But I did, because I want you. I want you more than I have ever wanted someone in my entire life, Lilith Payne. Joseph’s wants and desires be damned.”

 

“But surely, that’s . . . that’s not the only reason you want me, though, right, John? Surely you want more from me than just sex, right?” She asked, unsure of herself, and her words, and John ran the tip of his tongue across his lips before he spoke.

 

“Let me put it this way, and it might sound harsh initially, but . . .” He said with a chuckle as he glanced at her again. His blue eyes glittered like baby blue sapphires in the bright light that filtered in to them through between the moving branches of the trees zooming them by. “Lilith, I don’t want you anywhere near my bed until you want to be there. I’m not a rapist. I’m not going to force you to do anything. And I don’t expect you to immediately jump into bed with me – in fact, I’ll admit, that if you did, I wouldn’t respect you as much as I do. But it’s still the truth: I don’t want you until you want me. I don’t want you, until you’re on your knees in front of me begging me.” He paused then, before quietly, solemnly adding: “I don’t want you until _I’m_ practically on my knees, begging you to join me.”

 

“And what if that doesn’t ever happen?” She asked, hands twisting nervously in her lap. John cocked his head, his eyes narrowing, his face adopting that sly smile. It was the expression he got when he seemed to know something you didn’t. The expression she had to keep herself from allowing to settle into her bones with a toasty warmth. A girl could lose herself in that look, she decided.

 

“Oh, it’ll happen. You never would have agreed to this if it wouldn’t. But, let’s play devil’s advocate and say it doesn’t. Then I guess I’ll just live my life with a roommate, hoping someday, something all full of nothing, will happen.”

 

A companionable silence descended onto them, then, before she spoke, her question quiet and trembling. “What if I’m afraid?”

 

John balked at this, his eyes widening. “Afraid? Of what?”

 

“Of you.”

 

The words hung like an anvil between them before his expression softened. “You don’t ever have to be afraid of me, Lilith. You have my word on that. I would never hurt you. Never lay a hand on you that you didn’t want. I promise.”

 

“But you’re a Seed.” She ventured carefully, her words bringing a note of amusement into his eyes. “How do I know I can trust any of what you say?”

 

He shrugged. “You can’t. After all, we’re Seeds. We’re born liars. You just have to trust me. _Can_ you trust me?”

 

She thought for a moment before nodding. “Yeah . . . yeah, I think I can.”

 

He smiled and glanced at her as he took her hand in his. Bringing it to his lips, he pressed a warm kiss to the back of it. “Good. You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

 

She returned his smile, and allowed him to hold her hand, while butterflies fluttered madly in her stomach. She did trust him. Something told her she could. That, maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t all that bad.

 

And that maybe it wouldn’t take her as long as he thought it would, for her to say yes.

                                                                                    

* * *

 

Neither of them expected to see who waited for them on the front deck of the Seed’s giant ranch house when they finally reached their destination. Tall and willowy, with olive-colored skin, long black hair, and blue eyes, the woman was dressed to kill in dark-wash blue jeans, black heeled boots, and a matching black fringe top. Around her neck hung a turquoise necklace, and on her hip, in a leather holster, a .44 Magnum. She was American Indian, Lilith knew immediately – pure-blooded Cherokee -- for only Faith Seed could command this much respect immediately upon catching sight of her.

 

Behind her stood Jacob Seed, the eldest Seed brother, tall and imposing like a sentinel, his face blank, his rifle slung over his shoulders. They appeared to be waiting for them. Faith’s hand never left her pistol.

 

“Oh, what a joy.” John muttered as he pulled the truck to a stop in the dirt drive. Turning off the engine, he glanced at her as he opened the door. “Stay here, will ya? Knowing that She-Demon, she only wants me.”

 

Lilith nodded, all too fine with sitting there patiently in the safety of the truck, while John risked the ire and anger of his older sister.

 

John walked up to them, and they met him halfway. There was talk, Faith shook her head, Jacob laughed. Finally, something was said that made John stiffen visibly. There was a look of sympathy on Faith’s face as she reached out to her brother and took him in her arms in a hug. The hug was all-too brief, for he soon pushed his way out of it. Looking at her over his shoulder, he gestured for Lilith to join them.

 

Her heart leapt into her throat, and she swallowed hard to try and get it go down again, as she shakily opened the truck. Unlike Joseph and John, who served as the faces of Eden’s Gate, a member of the community almost _never_ had any contact with Faith or Jacob. And for good reason. If you were standing face-to-face with either of them, it was because you fucked up in a major way.

 

She cleared the distance between them, immediately seeking out John’s hand upon approach. He smiled and gave it to her. “Faith, Jacob, this is Lilith Payne.”

 

Despite her frosty appearance, the smile Faith gave was kind and sisterly. Jacob merely grunted in greeting, but Lilith knew from her father’s conversations with her mother, that this was merely Jacob being Jacob. Holding out her hand for her to shake, Faith stepped forward. “It is good to finally meet you, Lilith. I have heard so much about you from John and Joseph, I could hardly wait to make your acquaintance!”

 

"Faith here, is married to Jacob.” John spoke, immediately causing Lilith’s eyes to grow wide with shock. Jacob laughed at this look, while Faith merely sent her younger brother an admonishing look.

 

“You make it sound so deranged, John – shame on you!” She shook her head and returned her kind gaze to Lilith. “I am adopted. I do not have any such blood ties to the Seed brothers that I know of.” Lilith nodded, relaxing. Faith withdrew her hand from hers and replaced it on the hilt of her gun. “I’m here to warn you, with John’s blessing, of course.”

 

Lilith’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Warn me? About what?”

 

“Joseph.” Faith spoke, and Lilith felt a clenching in her gut she got nowadays, whenever Joseph's name was broached in conversation.

 

“What about Joseph?”

 

“You need to distance yourself from him, girl.” Jacob spoke up, gruffly, as he moved to join them. Unlike John’s blue-eyed gaze, which was charming and mirthful, Jacob’s resembled Joseph’s. It was deep and imposing – intimidating. But, however, it was also kind, as he gazed down at her. “Living here with John is going to be a minefield when it comes to Joseph, you need to know that, and plan your strategy accordingly. As far as he’s concerned, you’re his. The only reason he’s allowing you to stay here, is because, here, he knows you’ll be safe, and because presently, he cannot . . .” He glanced at Faith for support, who smiled tightly and finished for him.

 

“ _Please you_ , the way John can. The congregation would look so poorly on it, he simply couldn't have it.”

 

Faith felt a cold numbness encapsulate her entire body. Even her lips felt numb when she finally spoke: “What do I do?”

 

Faith, looking pleased that she had asked for her advice, smiled down upon her. “You’re fine as long as he’s not here. But mark my words, he will visit, and all those visits will be unplanned – they must be, with his schedule. When that happens, no matter the feelings you have developed for John, you must scorn him in Joseph’s presence. John does not matter, when it comes to Joseph. If you don’t . . . well, Joseph can – and _will_ – make life very hard for you.”

 

“Joseph is well known for his jealously.” Jacob added, his voice seeming gruffer than usual, and Lilith nodded in agreement. She remembered the morning at the church, when she looked over her shoulder and saw Joseph punch John for daring to ask to see her. Oh yes, she had no doubt he could extremely jealous.

 

Turning her gaze onto John, she hesitated. She knew his feelings. And knew that the mere prospect of having to do this, was eating him alive. “And John? What will he have to do?”

 

John looked away. “I’ll have to act like you’re nothing to me. That you fawning all over him will have no affect on me. In short . . .” He looked back at her. “I’ll have to be an asshole.”

 

Jacob chuckled. “What’s new about that?”

 

His words lightened the air, and they all laughed. Faith smoothed a hand across one scared, pitted cheek, and the love Lilith saw there between them, and in their eyes as they gazed at each other, made her heart ache. Beauty and the Beast. One touch that could end all his pain and soothe the savage beast within.

 

“If you excuse us, brother, sister, but Lilith is hungry, and she has been under a lot of stress these past few days. I’m sure she’d like to relax a little bit now. Wander around the ranch – see everything there is to offer.”

 

Jacob and Faith turned their gazed back onto them, and Faith nodded. “Yes, of course. We meant this stay to be brief, anyway.” She turned her eyes onto Lilith. “I simply wanted to warn you. I agree with Jacob: you are an innocent in this whole thing. You did not deserve to be taken unawares and put in unnecessary danger. But know, that you do have help. Jacob and I will keep talking to Joseph – we’ll work on him. Hopefully, maybe, turn his eye away from you a little.”  

 

Lilith nodded and thanked her. She didn’t know what to say. The more she was around him, the more she could see that John would grow to mean something entirely different to her, than Joseph would. While she desired Joseph in a sexual sense – and had since she first learned what sexuality was – John was different. She desired him, yes, but in a different way. A more intimate, pure way. She saw her future in him, knew she could grow to love him. Could she grow to love Joseph? All that intensity and religious fervor? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was the way that John looked at her, was the way Jacob looked at Faith. That it made her insides grow warm, and her heart heavy for him.

 

No . . . no, it wouldn’t take long at all.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, couple housecleaning things to get out of the way before you hit the chapter:  
> 1.) Since the Seeds were born in Georgia, I went back to chapter one and changed their place of origin to Georgia.  
> 2.) Went back into chapter one and tweaked their ages a bit -- all the Seeds are a couple years younger than they are in the game. Not much of a pre-game story if they are all the same ages as they are in the game. Slight oversight on my part, I apologize.  
> 3.) Since I changed the location of where the Seeds are from, Faith's tribe has been changed: she's Cherokee instead of Blackfoot.
> 
> Well that's all! Hope you guys enjoy! You all are so fucking awesome, just want you guys to know that!

* * *

 “She'll lead you down a path  
There'll be tenderness in the air  
She'll let you come just far enough  
So you know she's really there  
She'll look at you and smile  
And her eyes will say  
She's got a secret garden  
Where everything you want  
Where everything you need  
Will always stay  
A million miles away”

\-- “Secret Garden” by Bruce Springsteen

* * *

 

Sunday morning, before church, Moira Payne arrived at the Seed Ranch. She brought with her a dress; all white, innocent, modest hemlines, and lace. “You should wear this,” She told her daughter as they stood there in John’s luxurious living room, Lilith fingering the delicate lacework that made up the bodice. “It’s innocent -- virtuous. And today above all days, you want to look as innocent and virtuous as you possibly can.”

 

“Why?” She asked before she could stop herself, unable to tear her gaze away from the dress, and Moira crossing her arms in front of her chest and giving a flippant shrug as she rolled her eyes, was what caused Lilith to finally turn her eyes onto her mother.

 

“Joseph is announcing your cohabitation with John this morning, Lilith, not your _engagement_. You do the math. What do you think people are going to suspect?”

 

"The truth?” Lilith spoke, quietly, her attention back on the dress, and her mother stayed silent for a moment. It was a heavy, uncomfortable, and altogether awkward silence. When Moira finally broke it, her words made Lilith want to break out into laughter.

 

"Sex outside marriage is a sin, Lilith.”

 

Lilith continued gazing down at the dress for a moment before she stepped away, her arms moving to cross in front of her chest. Tearing her eyes away from it, she turned her gaze onto her mother. Moira’s expression was blank, but her eyes were full of their disapproval. “I thought you were happy, mother, that I had attracted John’s attention. Why the change of heart now?”

 

“It’s not a change of heart, darling. I’m so proud of you, for attracting John’s notice. It’s just that . . .” She gave another shrug. “Be careful of temptation. For both of you. God smiles on those who wait for marriage.”

 

Lilith, who knew that a marriage between her and John would probably never come about if Joseph had his way, simply shot her mother a tight smile. She gave her own shrug this time. “Well then, mother, you better hope I don’t ever become pregnant with John’s child. For if God frowns upon sex outside of marriage, then what exactly is his stance on unwed mothers?”

 

Her mother’s face blanched, and a look of anger speared through her eyes. “You dare speak that way to your mother? You little harlot! Righteous women do not --”

 

“Do not what, Moira Payne? Look upon a man as handsome as my brother, and do not wonder what he looks like with no clothes on – his body as bare as the day he was born? What his body feels like when it’s against yours in bed? But, of course, you are a righteous woman, are you not, Moira? You don’t have such thoughts, about any of my brothers, don’t you? Oh, God no, perish the thought!”

 

The voice came to them quite suddenly, stilling the air around them with it’s cold, imperious tone. Turning, both pairs of eyes settled onto Faith Seed walking towards them, the front door closing silently behind her on it’s well-oiled hinges. Clad in a black fringe dress and black heels, she looked every inch the Shawnee Indian she was. And the even more terrifying Eden’s Gate Herald.

 

Faith smiled at the blanched look on Moira’s face, and moved to stand beside Lilith. “In fact, dear Moira, if we punished the women of this community for having impure thoughts about my brothers, why!” She released a scoffing laugh. “Our beliefs would die out within a generation!”

 

Lilith didn’t know why Faith was defending her. But as she saw the abashed look on her self-righteous mother’s face, she realized she didn’t care.

 

Faith looked at the dress her mother brought her and smiled. “Such a pretty dress! Did you make this, Moira?” Stiffly, her mother nodded, and Faith’s expression softened as she reached out to finger the fabric. “Such intricate lacework . . . much love went into making this dress. You should be proud. God has graced you with a gift, Moira Payne.”

 

Moira chuckled darkly. “Once a gift.” She spoke, holding up her hands. Hands, which had once been so beautiful, were starting to become gnarled with early onset arthritis. Faith’s expression turned sympathetic. “Now, what I used to love, gives me excruciating pain. Lilith’s dress was my latest creation. And my last. I think it’s fitting that my daughter should wear a dress filled with my love on such an . . . important day.”

 

Faith nodded. “And she should. After all, this is quite a momentous day for her, you are right.” Smiling, she placed a hand on Lilith’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go get dressed, Lilith? We are to meet John and Jacob at the church quite soon. We don’t wish to run late.”

 

Nodding, Lilith picked up the dress and moved in the direction of the nearest bathroom. Stepping inside and closing the door behind her, she quickly unclothed before slipping the dress over her head. It slid over her body like water and fit her curves remarkably well. She couldn’t help but admit: her mother had done a fantastic job. She looked beautiful and she _felt_ beautiful. She could only imagine the look on Joseph’s face when he saw her.

 

She could only imagine the look on John’s.

 

When she stepped out of the bathroom and returned to the living room, her mother was gone, and Faith was sitting on the arm of the nearby sofa, legs crossed at her ankles, a lit cigarette in-between her first two fingers. She smiled when she saw her. “I hope you don’t mind, but I sent your mother on ahead with some of the others. She seems a very . . . _traditional_ woman. Someone you don’t exactly want around you today.”

 

Lilith sent her a grateful smile. “Yes . . . yes, she is. And thank you. I don’t think I could have handled being around her all day.” She watched as Faith leaned forward and snubbed out her cigarette in the nearby ashtray lying on the coffetable. Long dark hair hanging forward, her turquoise necklace caught in the light of the sun streaming in through the Venetian blinds covering the doors and windows. She was beautiful, Faith Seed. She could see how Jacob could be so smitten.

 

“Do you and Jacob have children?” Lilith spoke before she could catch herself, and noticed the pause and slight lag of Faith’s movements for a moment before the older woman composed herself and turned a tight but still friendly smile onto Lilith. She didn’t know why she asked . . . pure curiosity she supposed. She had never seen any children resembling the two of them, run around outside the churchyard on Sundays with the others, nor could she banish the thought that two people who seemed to be as in love as Faith and Jacob were, never had any children. It seemed preposterous to her.

 

“We did. Once. Oh . . . oh, so long ago it seems!” Faith spoke, gazing upwards at the ceiling for a moment in thought. “A little boy. We named him Jacob, too – JJ for short. He was born . . . five years ago, I think? Yes . . . he would have been six in October.” Faith paused here for a moment, her expression pensive, almost troubled. She looked away, her voice trying hard not to crack. Her hands wrung in her lap, and for a moment, Lilith was so unsettled at seeing such a normally composed woman showing such a raw emotion as grief, that she didn’t know what to do. So, she simply listened. “He was premature. Not badly premature, either – we thought he would survive. We did everything we were told to do, and for a while, everything was perfect. We were so happy. But in the end . . .” She swallowed hard here, fighting away the tears that beaded in her eyes. “In the end, it never really mattered. We lost him anyway. Afterwards, Jacob and me, we . . . we dealt with our grief in different ways – _separate_ ways. Jacob was devastated. He had wanted JJ so badly, that as soon as he got word of his death, he disappeared into the mountains for half a year while I stayed with Joseph, dealing with my own grief. It was with Joseph that I became a true believer in him. When Jacob finally came back down, he was . . . it was like he was a different man. My grandfather would have said he found his spirit guide or some such bullshit up there, but when he came back, he had the strength to help me. To comfort me. We healed. We moved on. And we vowed never to try again. It was more Jacob’s decision than mine. I think he was afraid. Afraid that if it happened again, he would be so destroyed, he would never recover. Jacob lost his faith in God up on that mountain, you see. Loyalty and blood is all that ties him to Joseph now. Not like me and John.”

 

She stopped talking then, and a silence descended between them that last for a few seconds, maybe even a minute or two. Towards the end, Faith had talked like Lilith wasn’t even there – almost as if she was talking to herself. When she realized that she wasn’t alone, that she _had_ been talking to someone, all emotion disappeared from her face. Her tears dried up, her grief vanished. She got to her feet, her arms moving to cross in front of her chest.

 

“Come on, we should go. We got quite a drive to the church, and we don’t want to be late.”

 

Lilith nodded, not knowing what to say – whether she should say _anything_. She followed her from the house and to her truck, where they both got in. Starting off down the drive, they set off towards the church, the tires of the truck spewing dust from the dirt road behind them. Eventually, it was Faith who broke the silence between them, and with a warning that surprised Lilith.

 

“I don’t need to tell you that getting pregnant with John’s child would be a bad thing, because I think you know it would be – you seem like a smart girl, Lilith. But I also know that shit happens, especially when you’re dealing with John. I love him to death, but bad luck follows that boy like flies to shit. If it _does_ happen . . .” Faith looked at her. “You come to me, you understand? And if you can’t find me, then you go straight to Jacob. Tell John if you want – it’s no skin off my nose – but then you come to me. And whatever you do, for the love of _God_ , you _do not_ tell Joseph! I don’t think I need to tell you how stupid _that_ would be!”

 

Lilith nodded, still not saying a word – not knowing _what_ to say! There was another silence before Faith spoke again, her voice softer, kinder now.

 

“I knew this was a bad idea from the start – ever since Joseph told me he was going to do this. You want to know why?” She glanced at her, and Lilith shook her head. Faith smiled. “Because John is in love with you, Lilith. How, I don’t know – why, don’t ask me. But he is. And just looking at you, I can tell that you will grow to love him too, because John . . . John is like a puppy. You can’t help but love him when you get to know him, and his love, it’s . . . when it comes, it’s pure, and beautiful, and you would deserve it, because you would treat him right. And that’s a very _bad_ thing because I know that when love grows between two people, eventually, a child is going to grow too. And a child between you and John, no matter how much it’s wanted and loved, is only going to spell trouble and hurt. Because no matter how you deal with it, someone is going to get hurt. Or killed.”

 

Lilith sat there, her words echoing in her head as she tried her damndest to stave off the tears that threatened to come to her eyes. Her hands were clasped tightly in her lap, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Faith glance at her, a look of sympathy on her face. “I know you think I’m cruel for telling you such things. Part of me hated telling you. But I would have hated myself more for _not_ telling you. You’re innocent in this whole thing, Lilith. Like a lamb going to slaughter. I just want you to be as informed as you can. Take it from me . . . grief never goes away. You might-as-well just try to avoid it when you can.”

                                                                                  

* * *

 

Lilith wasn’t prepared to see Joseph that morning at church when they finally arrived. Of course, she knew he would be there, but all the same . . . seeing him standing there near the pulpit in front of the community, wearing a crisp white linen shirt and black vest instead of going shirtless like normal, was jarring. Seeing John standing beside him, face expressionless, even when she entered the building and he caught of her, sent her heart beating into overtime. Only Jacob, standing on Joseph’s right, smiled at her.

 

_"I’ll have to act like you’re nothing to me. That you fawning all over him will have no effect on me.”_

 

John’s words echoed in her mind, causing her breath to catch in her throat. Only Faith stepping up to stand behind her, caused her breathing to even, and her heart to slow somewhat. Despite her intimidation and icy demeanor, she radiated warmth and strength to Lilith. Her mere presence beside her, spoke only of an older woman offering her guidance and protection. Lilith was grateful for her company.

 

“Brothers and sisters, the Collapse is coming. We know this. I preach it to you all every Sunday!” Joseph spoke with a laugh as he moved to stand in the center of the open space between the pulpit and the pews where his flock had converged before him. Lilith caught sight of her parents sitting in the first pew, silent and gazing up at Joseph as if every word he spoke was gospel. And to them, it was.

 

“But, not every day should be full of doom. There is happiness and love in this world still – fellowship and friendship. And today – _today_! – we will celebrate those things. Happiness and love. Fellowship and friendship.” Stopping here, he smiled and held out a hand to where Faith and Lilith were standing in front of the doors. At this gesture, John bowed his head and stepped forward to stand beside him. When Joseph spoke, his voice was quiet. “My brother John is a very lucky man, brothers and sisters. Who have you escorted here today, Sister Faith?” He asked, his voice rising slightly to carry to them over the heads of the congregants separating them. Faith smiled.

 

“Lilith Payne, Father. Daughter of Moira and Frank Payne.”

 

Her parents’ heads rose with pride as Faith’s hand settling on her back gently nudging her forward, made them began their walk down the red carpeted aisle towards Joseph and John. Joseph stepped forward, hand still raised to them, smile now growing bigger on his face. “There is love and friendship in this church today, brothers and sisters! For this young lady – a daughter of our community, and my most beloved brother, the Baptist, John . . . are in love!”

 

There was an outcropping of murmurs, an even bigger spattering of applause and cheers.

 

“They have come to us today to ask, not to be wed, but for permission to cohabitate.”

 

Some of the cheers and applause died down, and the murmurs grew. Everyone knew what the permission to cohabitate meant. It meant that the two people were being chosen to propagate the community – to breed. But that wasn’t what they were doing, Lilith wanted to say, but knowing she couldn’t. They would have married, had Joseph not been smitten with her, too. He’d rather ruin her reputation and be able to marry her later, than allow his brother to have happiness with the woman he . . . loved (she still could not bring herself to admit that, that was how he felt for her. It still seemed so impossible).

 

For after all, what honorable man would have wanted her, knowing that she had borne John Seed his bastard children?

 

When they finally reached the front, John held his hand out to her, and she quickly took it, seeking comfort in the one touch he was safe enough to give her. She squeezed his hand as Faith took her place beside Jacob, seeking out some form of emotion in his eyes, but they were shuttered to her. They were the eyes she remembered seeing growing up – the cold, hard gems they were. She bit her lip, not knowing how to feel for a moment, before he returned the squeeze of her hand. Briefly, while Joseph’s back was turned to them, he shot her a loving look, and she fought the tears that came to her eyes.

 

“Such a glorious day, brothers and sisters! Such a _happy_ day!” Turning, he moved over to them, where he stood behind them, his hands moving to rest on their backs. “For today, as we send off these two-people full of hope, and love, and happiness, to their future together, it should give everyone hope! _Hope_ , that _yes_ , even with the Collapse imminent, we are still capable of enjoying and finding happiness in each other. Of finding hope in every day-to-day chore, movement, and interaction. Of still accepting the love we think we deserve . . .” As he sermonized, Joseph’s hand trailed down her back to rest on her ass, and she couldn’t help but shudder at the feeling. She barely noticed the flinty look that appeared in John’s eyes at the interaction before his usual masked expression hid it from her.

 

But soon his hand was gone. He was moving from behind them, back to the front of the congregation, where he held up his hands. Bowing his head, the others of his flock followed suit. “Come, my brother and sisters – pray with me . . .”

 

Lilith and John bowed their heads, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Faith do the same. Only Jacob kept his head raised. Only Jacob seemed entirely disinterested.

                                                            

* * *

 

“Well that went smoothly.”

 

It was mid-afternoon. Sunday’s sermon was over, goodbyes had been said. Joseph had stood on the cement steps of his church and watched as Lilith and John made their way to John’s truck. They had been careful to keep things civil between them in front of everyone – in front of _him_ – but Joseph had seen. Joseph had seen the way John itched to touch her, to hold her. He was weary of the mask he had to wear – he wanted to toss it aside and allow his emotions to show on his face to her. And Lilith . . .

 

Lilith was careful, too – a lot more careful than he thought she would be. Tactful, he would say. But he had seen the rigidity of her posture – how desperate she had been to see a friendly look from him throughout the entirety of his sermon. When they were home, and masks were thrown aside, they would be different with each other. They would touch, kiss . . . make love . . .

 

These thoughts had been raging through Joseph’s head like a hurricane, causing his hands to ball into fists at his side, before Jacob’s halfway amused voice split through them. Turning around, he saw his older brother walk down the aisle towards him, his head canted slightly to the side. “You didn’t punch John once afterwards, when people were congratulating them. I’m proud of you, little brother.”

 

Joseph’s head rose. “I will admit, it did take . . . quite a bit of self-restraint.”

 

Jacob chuckled as he moved to join him, standing not that much taller than him. John was the shortest Seed. He smiled. “Not allowing them to marry . . . isn’t that a sin?”

 

Joseph’s head rose. “Jealously. Covetousness. Among a slew of others, I suppose, if you wanted to nit-pick.”

 

“So why not let them? Wouldn’t that keep you absolved of sin, so you could continue being a good little prophet of the Lord?”

 

Joseph’s shrugged as he turned and moved away, ignoring his brother’s sarcastic words. “That still would leave behind the sins. And besides, Lilith is young, Jacob. To tie her to a man so early --”

 

“So, you would rather ruin her reputation, instead.” Jacob interrupted him, his voice hard, his eyes harder. “Cohabitation . . . to _them_ , that means for a few years, she’s John’s own little personal broodmare. To _them_ , she’ll pop out of a couple of his bastard kids for the good of the community, not even married to the man, only to hope and pray that he’ll marry her when he’s done with her. That’s a sick, twisted little excuse you’ve dreamed up, Joseph. You know no man will touch her, knowing she’s been John’s.”

 

“But I can absolve her later.” Joseph spoke, quietly, patiently, as he turned to face his brother. “When the time is right, and I can take her as mine, as my wife, I can absolve her. She will be sinless again in the eyes of God. A virgin . . . a virgin to bare me my own son.”

 

Jacob slowly shook his head, hardly believing what he was hearing. Unlike Faith and John, he had never really bought into Joseph’s whole “God-Speaks-to-Me” thing. He lost his faith in God when God took away his son. But lately, as Joseph’s manic, delusional phases came more and more often, he couldn’t help but wonder where in the Hell him and Faith had gone wrong in John and Joseph – Joseph especially. Hadn’t he protected them as much as he could (with John there had been misses . . . misses he would forever beat himself up for)? Hadn’t Faith tended to their cuts and bruises with all the love she had in her? _Where had they gone wrong_?

 

“But he loves her. And you know she’ll grow to love him. Where is the love in that?” He asked, and Joseph stood there, looking uncertain for a moment, before he nodded.

 

“All will be right, Jacob, in the eyes of the Lord. In time, brother. In time.” He gave another, final nod. “You’ll see. You all will see.”

 

He turned his back to his brother, and Jacob knew that was the death of their conversation. Pertaining to John and Lilith, anyway. They could have any other conversation in the world they wanted, if the two of them weren’t brought up.

 

Jacob didn’t say goodbye to his brother. Pivoting on his heel, he moved down the aisle and left through the front doors from whence he had come. Faith was waiting for him by their truck, and her head rose as she caught sight of him.

 

“Nothing?”

 

Jacob shook his head. “Nothing. Get in the truck.”

 

Silently, Faith did as she was told, sliding in beside him on the passenger side. “Don’t worry. We’ll keep on him, Jacob. Everything will be all right.” She told him soothingly as she ran her hand up and down his thigh, but Jacob merely glanced at her as he reversed the truck before pulling off towards their home in the mountains.

 

“Will it, Faith? Will it? I’ve got a knot inside my stomach the size of a small boulder – so please, don’t fucking tell me everything will be alright. Because I think we both know things aren’t.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter! Things heat up between John and Lilith. And Faith smacks Jacob with one HELL of a surprise! Oh, it's good!
> 
> Ya'll are awesome

* * *

 

“The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

 

What a wicked game you played to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say you never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you”

\-- “Wicked Games” by Chris Isaak

 

* * *

 

“I never got a chance to tell you, but you looked very beautiful today, Lilith.”

 

Lilith glanced over her shoulder at John as he approached her and smiled. “Thanks. Mom made the dress.”

 

John arched a brow and nodded as he moved to take the Adirondack chair beside hers. “Did she? She did a beautiful job.”

 

Lilith had been sitting out in one of the Adirondack chairs out beside the house, in the fenced in area overlooking the valley below them. It was around dusk, the sunset casting a warm honey glow over everything. A warm breeze blew through, caressing her skin, her legs pulled up into the chair and tucked in underneath her. She smiled when he held out a glass of sweet tea and took it from him.

 

“Here: some good ol’ Southern sweet tea. Thought you might be thirsty. You’ve been out here for a while now.”

 

“Thank you. And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be gone for so long. It’s just so beautiful out here!” She spoke, her eyes running over him as she took a sip, and he shook his head and gestured to her that it was really no problem. He had ditched the coat, it being too warm for it, and had come to her clad in his typical silk shirt, sleeves rolled up to his tattooed elbows. His long legs moved to cross at the ankles in front of him, clad in their dusty dark wash jeans and dark cowboy boots. His sunglasses were perched atop his head. Glancing at her, he smiled.

 

“What?”

 

She shook her head and shrugged, smiling. “Nothing. Just admiring how handsome you look.”

 

John chuckled. “Thanks – you ain’t so bad yourself, sweetheart.” He spoke as he took a sip from his own glass. “Things went smoothly today. I’m glad.” He shook his head, exhaling a breath of relief as he did so. “I thought for sure Joseph would have punched me at least _once_ today!”

 

She nodded as the smile disappeared from her face. She turned her gaze out onto the magnificent view stretched out before them. “Yeah, I think we did a pretty good job today, too.”

 

He turned his eyes onto her, and she returned his gaze as he ran a nervous tongue along his bottom lip, as if debating whether to tell her what he wanted to. “It was hard for me today. To act like I didn’t care. To act like it wasn’t one of the happiest days of my life. It was harder than I thought it would be, actually.”

 

“Was it?” She asked him, quietly, and he nodded.

 

“Yeah. I didn’t think it would be.” He replied, as quietly as she had, before he turned his eyes onto his glass of sweet tea, where his thumb absentmindedly swiped the condensation that beaded on the glass. “I thought it’d be easy. “I can switch ‘em off, just for an hour or two! After all, I used to do it a hell of a lot when I was younger, remember?” I told myself. How hard is it to turn off emotions, anyway?” He released a laugh. “Turns out very fucking hard!”

 

“It was . . . difficult for me too.” She spoke, somewhat lamely, and he turned his eyes onto her, eyebrows raised.

 

“You mean when he touched your ass?” She nodded, and he laughed. “That shudder didn’t seem like you were uncomfortable.”

 

A light blush tinged her cheeks at both his words, and the jealousy evident in them. “John, what can I say? I love Joseph – I have since I was --”

 

A sharp burst of cold laughter from John caused her to come to an immediate stop. He shook his head, his eyes cold. John said it was hard for him to turn off his emotions, but was it really? His ability to go from warm and kind-hearted, to cold and dangerous at the drop of a hat, was alarming and terrifying. Clearly, he _did_ have two sides to his personality – one he made sure to show her a clear majority of the time, and the second that . . . well, it was what made him Joseph’s “Baptist”. Clearly, all the Seeds were like this though: wearing masks to cover their true faces.

 

"Please, Lilith! _Don’t_ confuse “love” with “obsession”. They are _not_ the same thing!”

 

An awkward silence thudded between them then, until John looking at her and speaking, broke it: “Did you love Davie Thurmond?”

 

She started at this, surprised by the question. “What? Why do you want to know?”

 

“Indulge me.”

 

She stared at him for a moment, unsure of where he was going, before she tentatively shrugged. “I . . . I don’t know. I mean . . . I _cared_ about him. But I don’t think I loved him. Not . . . not in the way he loved me. Or said he loved me, anyway.

 

“You know, that’s the funny thing about love that no one bothers to tell you about,” She continued, before she could stop herself. “And maybe that’s best, ‘cause it’s kinda something you need to figure out for yourself, ‘cause you’re not really gonna believe it when someone tells you that’s how it is.” Her eyes were cast down to the glass of sweet tea in her hands in front of her. No, he changed his mind -- the glass of sweet tea she was _clutching_ in her hands in front of her. “Your entire life -- _all_ your life is -- is wandering through this labyrinth. Not knowing where you’re going, not knowing what’s going to happen . . . you’re basically walking this entire maze blind and alone. But . . . one day, that special person comes along. He – or she, if that’s what you’re into – bends down and smiles at you, and while taking your hand, says: ‘Don’t worry. I’ll walk it with you. You don’t have to be alone anymore.’” Lilith swallowed hard at this, still not meeting his gaze. John’s, however, seemed glued to her, his own glass forgotten in his hand. “Holding hands like that, is a promise to each other that, for just a moment, the two of you don’t have to walk that labyrinth alone anymore. Your labyrinth’s combine, and, yes, while you’re now dealing with an even bigger labyrinth with strange new monsters thrown into it, you . . .  for some reason, don’t mind so much, because, now, you have someone to walk it with you. You’re not alone anymore. And that’s why the world seems so much brighter when you’re in love.”

 

“And why everything hurts when you go your separate ways.” John spoke, quietly, and she nodded. “Because your having to cope walking that maze alone again.” He nodded, slowly, seeming to ruminate over her words for a moment. “Nice . . . I like that. Never thought of it that way before.” He turned his gaze onto her. “You say you love Joseph,” He spoke. “But how do you _know_ that’s love, when you’ve never experienced it before? Davie was your first _real_ experience with the opposite sex – and you just said yourself that you didn’t think you loved him. So how do you _know_ you love my brother? And that you’re not just confusing love with obsession?”

 

She sat there quietly for a moment, thinking it over, before glancing at him. “I’m interacting with you. You’re a member of the opposite sex.” She spoke, and John slowly nodded.

 

“Your right. I am. But you’re not in love with me. So, I don’t count.”

 

“But you love me.” She spoke, and he slowly nodded again.

 

“Your right. I do.”

 

She shook her head in slight bewilderment. “Why? Out of all the women in the community who throw themselves at you – of which you have the pick of the litter -- why me? You’ve never told me _why_?”

 

He gave a shrug. “Would it matter? Would knowing the reason suddenly make you feel the same way for me?”

 

She shook her head. “That’s not the point --!”

 

“Then what is?” John interrupted her, coldly, as he shifted to face her more fully, his glass of sweet tea deposited onto the ground beside his chair. “It’s not enough to know that I love you – you have to have a reason why? Maybe I don’t have a reason, Lilith. Maybe I just look at you and know that I would . . . do anything for you. Maybe I look at you and I know that I don’t need a reason. That just loving you is enough. That waiting for you for love me back, is something worth waiting the world for.” He shook his head. “Would knowing the reason why, suddenly make Joseph pale in comparison to me? Would it make you forget him? ‘Cause I don’t think it will. I just think you’ve grown up with so little love in your life, that you’ve decided people need a reason to love you. When that’s seriously _not_ the case!”

 

Another silence thudded between them at his words, Lilith not knowing what to say – how to reply to that – and John, feeling a little guilty that he had said them. They weren’t exactly cruel – he had certainly said crueler things in his life to people he cared a whole hell of a lot less for – but still. They were probably bitter and hard for her to swallow. The truth _was_ often bitter to those who feared it.

 

“You’re right.”

 

He blinked a couple of time in surprise at her words, which had been the ones to finally break the silence that stretched between them. “I am?” He asked, somewhat dumbly, and Lilith nodded, releasing a laugh as she did so. Her legs unfolded from beneath her, and she leaned forward slightly. A breeze blew through again, ruffling her long dark hair back from her face, and he saw her luminous blue eyes – not entirely unlike his own – focus on some faraway spot in the distance. And his heart ached.

 

“Yeah. I mean . . . come on, you’ve met my parents! Did they seem like the loving sort to you?” She asked, and John released a short laugh of his own.

 

“Not really . . .”

 

“Yeah, not really. In truth, they were the exact _opposite_ from loving. My mom only had a use for me when she had too many chores to balance, and my father treated me like a piece of furniture half the time! He never did want a daughter, mom said. Wanted his boy.” She shook her head with a scoffing laugh. “Hell, I don’t even think they loved each _other_! Kids grow up hearing their parents make love in the next room, and they feel good, because that means mommy and daddy still love each other, even if they themselves don’t even know what sex is yet. But I don’t . . .” She paused here, thinking. “I don’t think I ever, once, heard my parents have sex. And my mother, she was so . . . _traditional_! Sex was a punishment from God because Eve ate the apple and created the first sin; something that men wanted, and women just had to . . . deal with. The thought of having an orgasm probably appalled her to the point to where she would rather gouge out her ear drums than hear a woman talk about how possible it is! That kind of traditional.”

 

John laughed. “Sounds like a lovely woman!”

 

Lilith sent him a look. “Oh, believe me, you have _no_ idea!”

 

“So, I imagine, then, she’s . . . content to believe that your living with me because I . . . needed an assistant?” He spoke, teasingly, and she laughed this time.

 

“I don’t know what she thinks, to be honest. I can’t bring myself to believe that my own mother – being who she is, and how she thinks – would _ever_ be able to bring herself to admit that her daughter is a sexual being – not after how she raised me! That I could be a . . . _harlot_ and desire a man to do to me the things she abhors.”

 

“And what _exactly_ do you like to be done to you, Lilith?” John asked, his voice silky, his eyes possessing a suggestive gleam as he leaned closer to her, and she shot him a smile.

 

“Wouldn’t _you_ like to know?”

 

He nodded. “Oh, I would very much like to know! So please . . . _indulge_ me . . .!”

 

She laughed then, full-bellied and genuine, and John couldn’t help but grin at the sound. Finally! It took long enough for her to get this comfortable with him!

 

And likewise, she turned her eyes onto him and looked him up and down for a moment. She knew what she wanted _Joseph_ to do to her, of course she did – she had, had fantasies of him long before John ever came into the picture. But it was curious . . . now that she was around him, living with him, seeing him constantly, Joseph started to fade, and John, started to become more prevalent in her daydreams. She couldn’t help imagining how his eyes would look when they were darkened by desire – how his lips would feel against hers. How differently his hands would feel against her body than Davie’s or Joseph’s. It wasn’t love she felt for him, but she did indeed wonder a lot about John Seed. And not exactly in a wholesome way.

 

“Would you like to know what I would like for you to do to me?” She asked, and immediately, John’s brow arched in amusement and interest.

 

“ _Me_? Oh, so, you _do_ think of me!”

 

She grinned and bit down on her bottom lip as she shifted to lean towards him, her finger tracing a whorl in the wood of her Adirondack chair’s arm. “Do you blame me? Look at you, John! I’m sure I’m not the only woman who daydreams about what you look like with your clothes off . . .!”

 

John chuckled and shifted in his chair to lean closer to her, his voice lowering and adopting a husky tone to it that had her smiling. This was new! This flirtatiousness, she didn’t ever remember employing it with anyone else. Davie, they both had been innocent and naïve – she really had possessed no knowledge of how to play to her wiles, so she didn’t. With Joseph, it was directness that got the best results. But with John . . . this teasing, flirting – the dirty innuendos, the subtleties, the _chase_ . . . why did his fruit seem the sweetest?

 

“And what do you imagine happens _after_ I take my clothes off, Miss. Payne? _That’s_ what I’m really interested in hearing.”

 

She glanced at him, unable to tell him that in this fantasy, they’re near a body of water. A pond, a lake, the Henbane . . . he’s naked and in the water when she arrives, and when he finally comes out after she finds him, the water dripping down his body seems like a _revelation_! A being molded by the hands of God and then subsequently sent down to earth to languish among the company of mortals.

 

In all honesty, she could see why John was the Face of Eden’s Gate now that she was living with him and getting to know him; why exactly it was that Joseph had given him that particularly honorable distinction. Joseph was handsome, but the intensity of his eyes sometimes . . . they could unsettle people – turn them off, when you should be turning them on. But John . . . John was charming. He was smooth and warm. The kind of guy you could see yourself living next to in suburbia, completely unaware of the sadistic streak that formed the whole flipside of his personality. The kind of guy the husband envies because he has a superstar job, a hot wife, and an expensive corvette. The kind of man the wife fantasizes about bending her over her newly refurbished kitchen countertop or walking outside while she’s sunbathing naked near the pool.

 

John . . . John was what made Eden’s Gate look _irresistible._

 

And the things he does to her when he finally reaches her in that fantasy . . . how to describe such things to him without burning from the inside out with embarrassment? Without feeling like the sinful harlot her mother said she was that morning before Faith came to her rescue?

 

Her face burned. She felt his finger hook under her chin and tilt her head to his. The outermost molecules of his lips met the shell of her ear, and she shuddered at the feeling. “Because I can tell you what _I_ would do to you after my clothes came off, Miss. Payne. And they are some very, _very_ naughty things!”

 

His words both delighted and thrilled her. She suddenly became very conscious of the fact, that all she had to do was turn her head a few degrees to the right, where his lips were at her ear, and she could kiss him. And she had wondered at how he kissed, hadn’t she? Been one of the first things she wondered, in fact. And no matter how she contemplated her fantasies, one thing always remained constant:

 

John Seed was a _very_ good kisser.

 

His finger on her chin exerted a slight pressure, turning her face those few precious degrees to the right, and suddenly, it wasn’t the shell of her ear that the outermost molecules of his lips were touching. Her heart thudded in her chest, and her hand gripped her glass of sweet tea so hard, she feared the glass could give beneath the pressure.

 

Her lips parted for him. He chuckled. “Would you like me to kiss you, Miss Payne? You look like you need to be kissed very badly. And by someone who knows how to do it.” He asked, and she nodded.

 

“Yes! Please, John, kiss me!” She murmured, and a spear of delight went through his eyes at her answer.

 

“ _Yes_ . . . oh God, how many times I am going to make you say that word!”

 

She felt giddy. Butterflies were in her stomach. All she could focus on was him about to kiss her – if she could _finally_ see if reality matched up with her fantasies!

 

Until it didn’t.

 

“Forgive me for interrupting, Baptist, but there’s been a problem with Hope Falls. I think you need to come see this.”

 

A low growl escaped from John’s throat, and when he spoke, addressing the Chosen who had so recently interrupted them, it was through gritted teeth. “What? _Now_?”

 

“I’m sorry again, sir. But it really is important. The Father’s orders.”

 

John closed his eyes and fought to rein himself back under control, before his eyes opened. They were apologetic as they met hers. “I’m sorry, Lilith. Continue this later?”

 

Disappointment echoed in her eyes as she nodded, and the sight made him want to stab the Chosen who had interrupted them.

 

Repeatedly.

 

With a rusty butter knife.

 

Leaning forward, he pressed a loving kiss to her forehead. “I’ll see you at dinner, okay?” She nodded, and he got to his feet. Moving over to the Chosen, he hooked a hand around his elbow and jerked him around, where they began moving towards the house. Lilith watched them go, feeling uncertain and slightly used.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll talk to him next.”

 

“I told you: It won’t do any good.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“You didn’t talk to him, Faith. He’s . . .” There was a sigh of ever-so-slight exasperation, and Jacob massaged the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing, as if a powerful migraine was just on the horizon. Faith gazed up at him from her place lying supine along his massive form, their bodies naked and warm against the other’s. A fine flush ran along Faith’s body from their lovemaking. A better lover than Jacob Seed, she had never known.

 

“He’s unstable. And _obsessed_! The way he looked and talked about Lilith, it was . . .” He shook his head. “Disturbing. If we would have known this girl would have had this kind of affect on Joseph, I would have told Frank and Moira to leave her at home. Or maybe just take her around John . . . she seems good for him.”

 

“Mmm . . .” Faith hummed in agreement. She felt his hand come up, his fingers gently lacing through her long dark hair.

 

"You seem to have taken a liking to her, too . . .” He spoke, and she nodded. She watched as the tip of her pointer finger gently circled his nipple, making it harden. He chuckled but didn’t stop her.

 

“I do. There’s something about her that makes me want to protect her. Like a mother hen. I think . . .” She paused here, thinking for a moment, before speaking again. “I think I used to see the same thing in John, when we were kids. Before daddy beat it out of him. John used to be so _good_. So kind-hearted. I see those things in Lilith. I can see her bringing them back out in John.”

 

“If Joseph doesn’t ruin it.” Jacob harrumphed, and Faith smiled.

 

"Not if we have our way.”

 

There was a pause then, and Jacob broke it. “This is going to end badly, Faith.”

 

“You keep saying that.”

 

“Because I’m right.”

 

Another pause. This time, it was Faith who broke it. Sitting up, he allowed her to go, only to watch her move to face him more fully. She gazed at him for a moment, seeming uncertain of what she wanted to ask, and Jacob couldn’t help but be intrigued. What was this?

 

 “What would you say . . . If I told you – _asked_ you – to . . . to have another child with me?”

 

A silence so thick and uncomfortable and altogether _dangerous_ , descended onto them, with a quickness and speed that momentarily frightened her. Until she realized she was dealing with Jacob, and that Jacob would never, in a million years, hurt her.

 

“Then I would remind you that we’ve already had this discussion. And that you know damn good and fucking well where I stand on it.” He spoke, anger slowly but surely edging it’s way into his tone, and she quickly moved to placate him.

 

“I know, Jacob, I know, I know, it’s just . . .” The tears came to her eyes before she could realize they were there, and she hurriedly moved to wipe them away. The sight of them softened him somewhat but did not do a huge dent in sweeping away his anger. “I’ve wanted a child for so long now, Jacob, but I never said anything because I know how you feel. I know how losing JJ destroyed you, but . . .” She shook her head. “Who’s to say it’ll happen again? This one will be better – I _know_ it will!”

 

His hand curled into a fist in the sheet. A curious numbing sensation not entirely unlike a frigid coldness, seemed to encase his spine. He suddenly seemed quite lightheaded, as well. “ _This_ one? Faith, what do you mean _this_ one?”

 

Faith looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Jacob, jaw hardening, reached out, wrapped a hand around her upper arm, and shook her. “ _Faith_ , _what do you fucking mean_!?”

 

“I’m pregnant, Jacob.” She spoke, quietly, turning her gaze onto him. It was hard, wistful. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed. I’m starting to round a little . . .”

 

His eyes darted down to her stomach, and sure enough, he saw the telltale paunch of her lower stomach. _How_ had he missed this? Him, someone whose entire life revolved around animals and breeding them – how had he missed _his own wife_ carrying his child?

 

Like she had scalded him, he released her, his hand quickly falling to the bed. “I’m sorry.” He spoke, gruffly. “I didn’t know.”

 

She nodded. “I know. And your fine. I didn’t exactly tell you.”

 

He wouldn’t look at her. “How far along are you?”

 

“Around three months, I think? I thought to . . . _get rid of it_ before you could even find out because I know how you feel about it, but then I . . . I had a conversation with Lilith this morning, and I . . . Jacob, I think I’ve changed my mind.”

 

'I’ll think about it.”

 

Shifting, she moved closer to him, where her hands smoothed over his scarred face. She felt the heat in the healed burns, even then, and her heart ached. He still wouldn’t look at her. “Jacob, don’t you see? This could be our second chance! _God_ has give us a second chance! Jacob, I’ve _prayed_ for _hours_ for you to give me another child, and they’ve been answered! Oh, Jacob, please --”

 

“I _said_ . . . I’ll think about it.” He spoke, gruffly, before gently grasping her wrists and pushing her away from him. Rising, he got up from the bed and moved to collect his clothing. She watched him, face carefully schooled – careful not to show any emotion. “What if this one goes the exact same way as JJ?” He eventually asked, his voice gruffer, as he yanked on his pants. “I don’t think I could survive that, Faith. I’d probably go back up that mountain and never come back.”

 

“But what if it’s _not_?” She asked before shaking her head. “Jacob, I’m not going to live my life in fear -- _can’t_! How can you?”

 

He paused here in the yanking on of his clothes, and she was floored to see that the man was near tears. He shook his head. “Because, contrary to popular opinion, Faith, I’m not as strong as you. And I might not be strong enough to allow myself to open up to that again. I don’t think I could be destroyed like that again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I really wanted to do upon setting out on this piece, was go "behind" the Seeds. I'm a fervent believer in humanity -- that there's two sides to every story, even the bad ones. And my entire "thesis" of this whole piece has been: what happened to these people to make them who they are through the course of the game -- "why" is Joseph such a fanatic, "why" does John not love, "why" does Jacob not give a shit about Joseph's views -- WHO THE FUCK is this Faith chick, and WHAT THE FUCK happened to the previous one?! Hopefully, this piece will do a fun time of answering those questions :)


	6. Chapter Six

* * *

 

“Oh, won't you stay with me

'Cause you're all I need

This ain't love, it's clear to see

But, darling, stay with me

 

Why am I so emotional

This is not a good look, gain some self-control

And deep down I know this never works

But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt.”

\-- “Stay With Me” by Sam Smith

 

* * *

 

 Monday morning, Lilith found the horses.

           

Ever since her arrival on the Seed Ranch, she had wondered at what the building situated right next to the house, contained, but had not actually found out due to the stress of her new living arrangements until then. That it was in actuality a barn containing horses, had never once occurred to her. She had wandered inside, initially alarmed that the doors were all unlocked, but then immediately allowing the worry to flee when she saw the six horses peering in curiosity at her over their stall doors, ears pricked forward in interest. A black with a white face nickered at her in welcome, and for a moment, she was so frozen with girlish excitement, that she was completely unaware of John’s presence behind her until she heard him chuckling.

 

Turning around to face him, she was completely unable to keep the broad grin from her face. There was a soft smile on his own face as he leaned there against the doorframe, hands tucked deep into the front pockets of his jeans. Nodding towards the black with the white face that had nickered at her, he pushed off the doorframe and moved towards her.

 

“Blackjack has summoned you.”

 

Turning to gaze at her horse, she shook her head. “Blackjack?”

 

He nodded. “Yes. Blackjack. He’s a Quarter Horse. The herd leader, too, and he’s summoned you, so if I were you, I’d go over there and pay him some attention.”

 

Glancing back at him, her grin seemed to get impossibly wider, causing John’s own smile to widen as a result. “I can? You mean it?”

 

John laughed, nodding. “What is wrong with you? Of _course,_ I mean it! Go ahead before you explode – I can only tell how much you want to!”

 

Lilith jumped up in delight before moving quickly over to Blackjack. Reaching his stall, she reached up and scratched behind one pointed ear as he nuzzled with interest at her jeans pocket, looking for treats. John watched the whole encounter with a smile on his face as he moved to cross his arms in front of his chest.

 

“We grew up with horses. All of us can ride. Hell, Faith’s the best damn horse rider in Hope County, and Jacob can break any horse you put in front of him. I keep them, because I’m the only one who has the space for them.” Turning, he moved over to the first stall on the left, where a palomino munched contentedly at the hay hanging in a bag from the wall of it’s stall. “This is Sundance. She’s Joseph’s – palomino. Right here is Kit,” A piebald stallion with blue eyes. “He’s Jacob’s. Mean as a rattlesnake, so don’t get around him with your back turned. The one beside him is Rose, she’s a rescue. Shire – gentle as a giant and the only one in this entire barn Kit likes.”

 

He moved over to the stall at the end of Blackjack’s row. “This big buckskin bastard is Comanche. He’s Faith’s.” Moving, he finally reached the stall beside Blackjack’s, where he crooned to the horse munching hay in the back. The beautiful chestnut whickered back, and moved to him, where it nuzzled his arm. Smiling, he patted it on the neck.

 

“And this beautiful lady is Belle. She’s mine.”

 

Eyes wide, Lilith moved away from Blackjack, where she joined John standing by Belle. The mare had gentle brown eyes and reached out to sniff her. Lilith rubbed her between the eyes as Jacob smoothed her mane all on to one side of her neck. “She’s Blackjack’s.”

 

Lilith glanced at him slight confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

A look of amusement flitted through John’s eyes. “She’s his Alpha female. If Blackjack’s the herd leader, Belle’s his right hand. That’s why we keep them together. They can’t stand to be apart from each other.”

 

As John spoke, they watched as the two horses met each other over the wall dividing their two stalls. Reaching out, their noses touched, ears flicking back and forth before Belle finally released a squeal and stamped her foot, ears pricking forward. John chuckled as Lilith recoiled. “She’s coming into heat. She always acts like that when she’s coming into heat, the hussy.”

 

“Have you bred her?”

 

John shook her head. “No. You don’t breed horses because you love them – you breed horses because of their bloodlines. Birth is hard on a horse – they are notoriously accident-prone animals. The slightest thing could happen, and I could lose her. I’m not willing to risk that yet. And besides,” He shrugged. “Blackjack’s a gelding. The only one who could do anything is Kit, and even then, when she goes into heat, Jacob takes him into the mountains – works with him up there herding and training. Brings him back down when she’s going out. It’s less of a headache that way.”

 

Lilith nodded as she moved back over to Blackjack, where she ran her fingers through his black mane. “Have you ever ridden?” He asked, and she shrugged.

 

“A little. Not enough to be considered really good, but enough to know my way around a saddle, I guess. One of my friends growing up had horses. The Yodelers?” She spoke, and he nodded.

 

“Yeah, I know Blake pretty well. He’s my farrier.”

 

She nodded. “So yeah, you know. They had this horse, a half-blind gelding as old as Methuselah. I learned to ride on him.”

 

John grinned. “Patches.”

 

She sent a grin his way. “Yeah, Patches. You know him?”

 

Laughing, he nodded. “Yeah, I know Patches. Motherfucker kicks like a mule – believe me, I know!”

 

A look of curiosity appeared on her face. “Wow . . . that sounds like a story.”

 

John grimaced and made an elaborate show of adjusting himself. “Yeah . . . yeah, it is. Let’s just say . . . hope you don’t ever want to have kids, Lilith, cause thanks to that damn horse, I might never be able to!”

 

Lilith laughed, unable to help herself, and came back to see John smiling softly at her. Reaching out, he took her hand, where he squeezed it. “I gotta go – duty calls. Got a couple situations in my bunker I have to deal with. I’ll be back around dinner, though.”

 

Lilith sobered. “A couple situations? Like my dad?”

 

John nodded. “Yeah . . . like your dad.” He gestured to the door. “Are you gonna be okay by yourself? I can call Faith – she’ll probably come and hang out with you if you want.” He spoke, but Lilith shook her head.

 

“No, no, don’t bother her. I’m sure she’s got stuff to do too. I might go see how mom’s doing . . . how she’s coping with this. Might go over to Hope Falls too, but I don’t know . . .” She trailed off, and John’s face stilled a little at the mention of Hope Falls.

 

“Hey . . . you go down to Hope Falls, you be careful, okay? Watch out for yourself.”

 

She shot him a look. “It’s just Hope Falls, John. I’ve been there a million times, there’s nothing --!”

 

John nodding and rolling his eyes as he held out a hand to her, interrupted her, and her brows rose a little as she politely waited for his explanation. “Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s just . . .” It was his turn to trail off this time, as he turned his eyes onto Belle munching hay in her stall. “Last night, that . . . _thing_ I had to deal with in Hope Falls? Apparently, a couple of their boys got drunk and decided to go find themselves a couple of Eden’s Gates people. Our people were, uh . . . beaten up pretty badly. Between the two of them, they have enough broken bones that the X-Rays would probably look like a fallen Jenga tower! We went to Whitehorse – of course we did -- and got his Deputy instead. She said they’d look into it, but you know . . .” He gave another shrug. “You know they won’t. So, yeah, I’d rather you not go into Hope Falls at all. But if you do, I’d appreciate it if you watched yourself. I imagine the people of our community aren’t exactly entirely welcome in that town right now.”

 

Lilith looked away, not entirely knowing what to say for a moment. “Who . . . who were the assailants?”

 

John gazed at her for a moment, and there was a look in his eyes for just a few seconds that Lilith couldn’t entirely place. A look of frustration, at her questions? Or a look of anxiety because she might know one of the assailants.

 

“Does it matter? Whitehorse’s Deputy assured me they were arrested, and when I checked when I woke up, they had been. Why does their identity to you matter?”

 

“Why does me knowing matter to _you_?” She fired back, an alarm blaring loud and clear in her head over his defensiveness. John shook his head.

 

“It doesn’t. Look, I don’t . . . I don’t have time for this! I’m late for the bunker – they’re expecting me. I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?” He asked, hastily changing the subject, and she stood there for a moment before she slowly nodded.

 

“Yeah . . . yeah, I’ll be here when you get back.” She spoke, giving up, not knowing what else to say to him. He gave her a thankful smile as he stepped forward. He wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pressed a loving kiss to her forehead. When he pulled back, he lingered for a moment, as if he wanted to add something more, but then obviously rethought it. Smiling, he backed away.

 

“I’ll tell one of the guys you might want to go see your mom. Or go into town. They’ll drive you.”

 

She nodded, giving him a strained smile. “Thanks John.”

 

He paused again, looking extremely uncertain, almost as if he was caught in the middle of something. He opened his mouth, closed it, then eventually opened it again. “Stay . . . stay safe, okay, Lilith?” He spoke, somewhat lamely, and she nodded, her smile softening, becoming less strained.

 

“Yeah. Of course, John. I’ll make sure to.”

 

There had been a Chosen waiting for him by the door. When John moved towards him, she watched as the Baptist lay a hand on his arm before saying something to him. Gesturing to her, the Chosen nodded, and John turned back to her. “Paul here will take you wherever you want to go, okay?” She nodded, and he stood there for a moment longer, drinking her in, before reluctantly leaving the barn.

 

He had looked almost as if he was afraid she wouldn’t come back to him.

 

* * *

 

She was extremely conscious of the looks she was getting.

 

And it wasn’t _her_ , per say, who garnered the looks, but Paul walking behind her. If she had been alone, Lilith would have easily been able to blend into the township – people able to go on their ways deluding themselves into believing she was one of them, even though they knew she was not. But with Paul walking behind her wearing that white shirt with the black Eden’s Gate cross on it, well . . . it was hard to ignore them.

 

Lilith didn’t know what she was doing there. She just needed to get out – away from the ranch for a little while. She didn’t feel like going to see her mother, once she sat down and thought about it. She didn’t relish sitting there helping her mother shell peas or mend a hem or sow on buttons to wherever they belonged, while meanwhile ignoring Moira’s suspicious glances. Glances that suggested that maybe her daughter _hadn’t_ been chaste living down there with John Seed on the ranch. That maybe she _had_ allowed John to do to her what all men wanted to do with pretty young women . . .

 

Shaking the thoughts from her head, she shivered as she walked down the street to the general store, Paul moving silently behind her a respectable distance away. She did need a few things from the general store – things that John hadn’t gotten her or hadn’t _thought_ to get her. And she supposed until she met her, Faith hadn’t exactly been willing to furnish his house with the womanly necessities women needed.

 

“Stay out here, okay?” She spoke, and Paul stood there looking thoughtful for a moment before eventually giving a shrug and a nod.

 

“Yeah, okay. Yell if you need me.”

 

She nodded and pushed open the door, the bell overhead giving a cheerful jingle as she stepped into the cool space. There were a couple customers, a stock boy lining shelves from a box he was balancing precariously between his stomach and the next level shelf in front of him, and the owner standing behind the counter idling playing on his phone. He flicked a quick glance up at her when she entered before deciding she wasn’t going to cause trouble, and returned his gaze down to his phone. A ceiling fan rotated lazily above them, circulating the cool air coming in from the wall unit on the left side of the store.

 

Heading to the far right of the store, she hooked a left and moved down the aisle, eyes scanning the shelves for what she was looking for. Finally finding them, she smiled and tucked the value pack of Stayfree pads under her arm. She didn’t know when the next time she would be back would be, so she would rather be safe than sorry.

 

Coming out of the aisle, she hooked another left, moving slowly down the next aisle, just browsing this time. There was really nothing else she needed; other than the pads, John had pretty much thought of everything.

 

The bell over the door tinkled again as someone entered.

 

“Hey Mr. Jacobs, how’re you?” 

 

A laugh came from the owner standing behind the counter. “Davie Thurmond, is that you? Haven’t seen you in here for a minute – how’s your momma?”

 

Lilith’s entire body seemed to go cold – as if he was suddenly encased in nothing but ice. She heard his laughter as he – thankfully – turned down one of the far aisles from her. She quickly grabbed a few things off the shelf closest to her before heading towards the front counter. “Ah, she’s okay, I guess. Her and dad are busy with the harvesting, but what else is new?”

 

The owner gave her a surprised look as she hastily put all her things down on the counter, his brows rising, especially when she stumbled a little in her haste. “This is all.” She spoke, and he nodded as he began ringing them up.

 

“Well, tell your dad that if he needs help, I can spare Jeff for a few afternoons. God only knows the boy ain’t got nothin’ else to do now that he’s been booted off the football team.”

 

Lilith cursed him in her mind, silently willing him to go faster, as Davie’s laugh came still from the aisle he was loitering in. “Yeah, I can see that . . .”

 

“By the way, son . . .” The owner spoke, sending him a pointed glare. “How did your dad feel, bailin’ you out this morning?”

 

All the blood rushing through her ears suddenly stopped upon hearing those words. It was like she could suddenly hear with perfect clarity. Bailing him out? He didn’t mean . . .?

 

She could practically see the blush on Davie’s cheeks as he spoke: “Yeah, well . . . you know how it is. If you asked me, they deserved it. Should have been with their people if they didn’t want to get messed up.”

 

His voice came from around the aisle, and, forgetting how just moments ago she had been afraid to see him, Lilith turned to glare at him, eyes wide and hands planted squarely on her hips. Davie, for his credit, froze when he saw her, his own eyes growing wide with shock. “Lilith --?”

 

“Is that really what you mean, Davie? My friends – my _people_ – they _deserved_ what you and your asshole buddies did to them? They were beaten into an _inch_ of their lives, Davie!” She spoke, interrupting him, before she could stop herself. She shook her head. “John was right. I never should have come here.”

 

Turning, she slammed a twenty onto the counter before yanking up her things and moving towards the door. Davie watched her helplessly go by before glancing at the owner and practically running after her. In his haste, he yanked on the wrong door a few times before releasing a sound of frustration and finally using the right, unlocked, door.

 

She was heading down the sidewalk with Paul, towards one of the Eden’s Gate trucks. He called her name as he took off at a fast walk down the sidewalk after her. She ignored his first two yells, before the third finally brought her to a halt. Twirling around, she crossed her arms in front of her chest before glaring at him, waiting for him to reach her.

 

He was out of breath when he finally reached her, and had to double over for a moment, gasping. “Lilith . . . Lilith, I --”

 

“Wait a minute.” She spoke before turning to Paul. “Go get the truck started. I’ll be there in a minute.” Paul gazed at Davie warily for a moment before Lilith barking her orders at him again, had him moving. Silently, he turned and headed off to where they had parked the truck. Lilith continued to stand there for a moment, patiently waiting for Davie to gain his breath, until he righted himself and turned his eyes onto her.

 

“Lilith, I . . . what are you . . .” He trailed off and heaved a sigh, a soft look coming across his face that momentarily had her sick – in disgust. She was so used to John’s soft looks, that a soft look coming to any other man’s face damn near made her yak. It just seemed like manipulation when used by anyone else. “You look beautiful.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

 

He took a step closer to her and held out his hand, but she stepped back. “How . . . how are you? How is he . . .” He trailed off, not knowing what to say, but she nodded and answered for him. She already knew what he was trying to say.

 

“I’m good. I’m good. John, he . . . he takes care of me. He’s been taking good care of me, in fact”

 

A shuttered look appeared on Davie’s face. “Are you sleeping with him?”

 

Lilith adopted an eat-shit look that would have made Faith proud. “Why? You gonna get a posse together and beat the shit out of him if I say I am?”

 

Davie whitened and turned his gaze down onto the sidewalk. “Lilith, I . . .”

 

“Because if you are, then it’s a good thing I’m not, is it? Not yet, anyway.”

 

Davie turned a surprised look onto her. “He’s not?”

 

“You know Davie, it might surprise you, but a good majority of the people in Eden’s Gate, are good people. All we want is to be left alone to worship in peace. And John, contrary to what you’ve no doubt heard, is not a bad man. He’s not a rapist. He hasn’t raped me. In fact, he’s been the perfect gentleman. Hasn’t laid a single finger on me that I have not asked for. I sleep in my own room . . . he sleeps down the hall in his own room. He’s letting me get to know him, first. He’s respecting my wish to go slow. He’s respecting my desire to call the shots.” She shook her head, a tight smile appearing on her face. “He’s letting me make my own decision. I’m not going to sleep with him until I want to. And he’s content to wait for that. To wait for _me_.”

 

A silence descended between them then. One that Davie eventually broke. “I’m sorry.”

 

"For what? For presuming my life’s been hell since I left you? Or for beating the shit out of my people?”

 

Davie gave a shrug then. “I don’t know . . . both?” A look of miserable indecision crossed his face then as he took a step towards her. “But, Lilith, hear me out, okay? I’ve been . . . I’ve been _lost_ without you! Ever since you left and went to live with John Seed on his ranch, I’ve been . . . well, I can’t fucking _function_! I drive out to our spot in orchards _every night_ , just _hoping_ I’ll see you there, but knowing all the same that you won’t! I can’t sleep, because every night I think about you sleeping with him, and I can’t . . . I just _can’t_ . . .!” He gave a frustrated shake of his head. “I was angry. I still am angry, I guess. So, what happened between us and those Eden’s Gate people – _your_ people – I guess, was just me lashing out at John. To get back at him for taking you away.”

 

Lilith’s brows rose. “You . . . beat the shit out of them . . . to try and get back at John . . . for stealing me away from you?” She spoke, slowly, and when Davie didn’t even bother to nod, knowing how terrible it sounded, she slowly shook her head. “You _asshole_!” She snapped as she planted a resounding fist into his shoulder, an infuriated look appearing in her eyes. Eyes widening in shock, Davie took a few steps back as Lilith planted two more punches into the same place. “How _dare_ you look at me as if I am just some fucking _prize_ to be fucking _won_!”

 

“Lilith, I --!”

 

“You know, John might not be a fucking saint, but he’s been good to me so far! He’s been patient, accommodating – not at all like the _devil_ you’ve painted him out to be in your mind! And he would _never_ treat me like I was just some fucking _door prize_!”

 

 _Would he_?

 

The sudden thought made her stop cold, her eyes to widen with a thought that had not yet occurred to her. Would he, though? After all, wasn’t that exactly what John and Joseph was doing? Competing for her like she was a prize to be won? Wasn’t that why she was with John in the first place – so that he could ready her for Joseph?

 

“I . . . I don’t . . .” She spoke, quietly, before swallowing heavily and shaking her head. “John loves me, Davie. He _loves me_!”

 

Slowly, he shook his head, careful to keep her gaze at all times as he moved closer to her. “No, Lilith. No, I- _I_ love you, Lilith! I always have – I always will. What John feels, it’s . . . it’s _not_ love!” Slowly, he took her hand. “Come away with me, Lilith.”

 

“Come away with you?” She spoke, through numbed lips, and he nodded. “Where?”

 

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Nowhere, anywhere – as long as we’re together!”

 

She looked away, her thoughts whirling through her head. She had no doubt Davie loved her – in whatever capacity he thought she held in his mind. But at the same time, there was also no doubt that _John_ loved her, despite what Davie wanted her to think. She had seen the looks he gave her, had heard his reasoning . . . there was no doubt in her mind that John Seed loved her. And despite what she wanted . . . the longer she was with him, the more she thought she was growing to love him, too.

 

Eventually, she gave a laugh, and shook her head. “No, Davie. Don’t be foolish.”

 

She moved to leave, but his grip on her hand tightened, keeping her from walking away. “Lilith wait a minute! Think about this!”

 

“There’s nothing to think about, Davie!” She spoke with a damn-near hysterical laugh. “I _love John_!” The words seemed to freeze him, and she took a deep breath and released it before continuing, not thinking about what she was saying – only knowing that she wanted him _gone_ – _gone_ so that she could think about whatever it was that whirled within her mind. “I’ve loved him for a while, Davie. Why do you think I left? Do you honestly think I would have left to go live with some guy I didn’t _know_? No, Davie, I left with the man I love. And I’m going to stay with the man I love. Come what may, John has me. Only me.” She swallowed hard again before adding: “He has me for however long he wants me.”

 

Davie’s grip left her, and she immediately held her hand to her chest like he was a wounded animal, her hands gripping each other tight. His face was expressionless as he nodded. “Okay . . . okay, then. Point taken.”

 

She sent him a pleading look, feeling guilty for her outburst. She hadn’t meant to sound so harsh – she had panicked -- only want for him to drop the subject and leave her alone! “Davie, please, I don’t --!”

 

“No, no!” He spoke, holding up his hands. “No, don’t. You made your point, and I’ve heard it. Loud and clear. Have a nice life, Lilith. Hope John Seed is everything you’ve ever wanted. And I hope he gives you all the babies I know you’ve always wanted.”

 

He turned and moved back down the sidewalk then, leaving Lilith helpless to stare after him.

           


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!!!
> 
> What's it?
> 
> Read to find out!!!!

* * *

 

“Your heart was scared

I guess that's fair

But no one compared

Hallucinating you was a like a month of air

Such a breath of air

 

I wonder if you ever love someone as much as you say you love me

No other one could conjure up a love enough to make me feel complete

Oh, how did you save me?

When no one else thought I was worth saving?

You keep my soul racing

You kissed my lips and oh baby”

\-- “Harveston lake” by Johnny Rain

 

* * *

 

She hadn’t, really hadn’t, expected John to be as good of a cook as he was.

 

She hadn’t expected to come out to the living room/dining room from her shower, dressed and ready for dinner, to find the fireplace lit, candlelight, and the TV set to the Smooth Jazz listening channel. She hadn’t expected o see John standing at the dining room table, holding a bottle of champagne and two crystal flutes, the table set with a sumptuous feast to rival any romantic Italian dinner.

 

She hadn’t expected to see him look as handsome as he did.

 

“What . . . is all this?” She asked, bewilderment echoing in her eyes, and he chuckled as he pulled out a chair at the table and gestured for her to take it.

 

“What does it look like? Dinner. Now come on – you look famished!”

 

Silently, she obeyed him. Taking a seat in the chair he had pulled out for her, there was a “Pop!” as he released the cork from the champagne bottle and poured her a flute – one he immediately handed to her.

 

“What’s this for?” She asked with a light laugh as she gazed uncertainly at the bubbling golden liquid for a moment. John shrugged as he moved to pour himself a glass.

 

“What, I can’t plan a romantic evening for us?” He asked, before chuckling at the slightly suspicious look she was sending him. “It occurred to me today while I was . . . taking care of things in my bunker, that I haven’t exactly . . . taken you out on a date yet. Here you are, living with me under immense pressure from my brother, and . . .” He sighed and gave a shrug as he set the bottle down on the table. “I’ve done nothing to sooth your worries and fears, and make you feel at home. Consider this dinner an apology.”

 

He moved to take his seat as he spoke, and she turned her eyes down onto the steaming plate set before her. She didn’t quite know what to think of this. She was still reeling from her encounter with Davie that afternoon – she didn’t exactly want to contend with the secret intricacies of a romantic dinner with John. She was simply too exhausted, mentally. She didn’t think she could bear one of his “Chases” tonight.

 

No matter how sensual and tempting they could be.

 

“I didn’t know you could cook.” She spoke, and John hummed his amusement.

 

"Someone in our household growing up needed to know how to cook.”

 

She glanced at him. “I figured that would be Faith.”

 

Releasing a sound of amusement, he shook his head. “Oh no – no, no, no -- _God_ , no! That woman would burn _cereal_! Don’t make their fairy-tale life together fool you – neither Jacob nor Faith can cook. God, they must be starving all the time!”

 

“Maybe they keep each other well fed in other ways.” She spoke, before she could stop herself, and John sent her an amused look.

 

“Lucky you then, that I can do both.”

 

Blush burned across her cheeks, and she kept herself from having to reply by finally taking a sip of her champagne. “Toast?” He asked, and she furrowed her brows in confusion.

 

“Toast? For what?”

 

John shrugged as he moved to lean on his elbows on the table, his flute of champagne tilted towards her. “I don’t know – whatever you want it to be. Um . . . how about this: A toast to good roommates, great friends, and amazing future lovers. To hope, friendship, and love.”

 

She thought for a moment before smiling and tinkling her flute against his. “To hope, friendship, and love.”

 

Smiling, they both took a sip before picking up their silverware and digging in. The food was great – perfectly cooked and seasoned. Lilith had to admit: John hadn’t been bragging when he said he could cook. And when she thought about it, she did suppose _one_ of them needed to know how to.

 

“How was your day?” He asked, and the question turned the amazing flavors in her mouth to sludge. She had to swallow hard to force the food down her throat, and while she did so, her mind whirled on what to tell him. Did she mention to him that she ran into Davie while visiting Hope Falls? That she had figured out he had been one of the ones who assaulted their people? That he had confessed his love to her – had begged her to run away with him? That she had told him she loved him – loved _John_? That she was his, however long he would have her? Or would it be better for her to just lie and say she went to visit her mother?

 

Oh, who was she kidding? She might-as-well tell the truth. After all, he could just ask Paul.

 

“I, um . . . I went to Hope Falls. Had to pick up a few things at the store there that you forgot to get for me.”     He nodded as he concentrated on his food, however, she knew a large part of him was still listening to her. “Ran into a few people I knew . . . ran into Davie.” He stilled at this, his mouth opening as if he wanted to say something, but she stumbled right on before he could. “How’s dad? Did you . . . how did it go today?”

 

John placed his knife and fork down before moving to lean back in his chair facing her. His jaw hardened slightly as he ran the tip of his tongue across his back molars. “Good. And Davie . . . how did he seem?”

 

She was avoiding his gaze. He knew it, she knew it. But she didn’t know why. All they had done was talk on the sidewalk – it wasn’t like she had anything to _hide_!

 

“Well, I did figure out he was one of the ones who beat up our guys.” She spoke, and John nodded, relaxing somewhat, but not completely.

 

“Yeah . . . yeah, I guess you would have found that out eventually.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Because it was a betrayal.” John answered her, honestly, and for a moment, she was confused by his words, that she didn’t know how to correctly answer him. So, he simply continued on: “Davie meant something to you. Figuring out he lashed out at you for leaving him for me by beating up our guys, it, well . . .” He gave a shrug. “It probably stings. I get it.” He sighed. “Did anything else happen?”

 

There was a slight pause there while she figured out what he really meant. When she did, her eyes met his in a slightly affronted way. “What? Are you asking if I _slept_ with him?”

 

Another pause. She shook her head as he gently rapped his knuckles on the table. “Look, I’d get it if you did. Been down here all alone, you go into town, see Davie, and you --”

 

She shook her head, a look of slight disgust appearing in her eyes “No. No, John, I didn’t.”

 

His expression opened somewhat – his eyes widening slightly. “Look, Lilith, I don’t have a fucking claim to you, okay? We haven’t slept together – you’re not _mine_ or anything! If you fucked him, I wouldn’t . . .”

 

He trailed off and the air between them suddenly seemed to turn electric. Their gazes were locked, twin blues meeting each other, chests heaving, but with an emotion she couldn’t rightly place. She didn’t know where he was going with this – what he wanted her to say and do. She was confused, her senses peaked, almost as if she were the prey being stalked by a predator . . . why did she get the feeling that this so-called “Chase” of theirs had taken quite an unexpected turn into unknown territory?

 

“I didn’t fuck him, John, if that’s what your asking.” She finally spoke, quietly, feeling a weird sort of knot growing in her throat that she had to swallow hard to get past. Was it suddenly so hot in the room?

 

“Why not?” He replied, equally as quietly, and with those words, it seemed like everything in the room had stilled. The smooth jazz from the TV ceased, the birds outside in the low evening lighting, seemed to stop in their singing. It was the kind of quiet that you fancied you could almost hear the flame of the candles as they moved through the air. His gaze still held hers, and there was _heat_ to them now that momentarily took her aback. _What_ did he want?

 

Eventually, she shrugged. “I don’t know . . . I didn’t want to? Is that what you want to hear, John?” She shook her head then, feeling anger bubble in her stomach for a moment. “Or do you want to hear that I _did_ want to, just that I couldn’t, because there was no where for us to go – because Paul was my chaperone and he was watching my every fucking move? Or do you want to hear that I didn’t, because I didn’t want to, because the man I want to fuck is _you_?”

 

She didn’t know quite what it was. She didn’t know what exactly had broke at those words, just that something had. All she knew was that, suddenly, neither of them cared very much about their dinner growing cold on their plates. Her world had seemed to narrow in the space of that one little conversation between them; had narrowed to focus seemingly solely on him. On what he would do.

 

Her breath froze in her lungs when he shifted forward in his chair, and his hand reached out to her to cup her jaw. As his callused thumb ran over her bottom lip, the pounding of her heart seemed to rise to a crashing crescendo in her head. Her chest heaved from beneath her shirt, and when he leaned down and finally – _finally_! -- pressed his lips to hers, she felt so impossibly lightheaded, she feared she might fall forward out of her chair and faint in his arms like some dramatic 1950’s movie actress.

 

The kiss was gentle at first -- coaxing, and caressing. His tongue swept along her bottom lip, seeking permission. Slowly, she opened her mouth to him, and his tongue darted inside. It filled her mouth, tangled with hers. He tasted of the champagne they had just drunk together, and the pot he had smoked before dinner. For a moment, she was so swept up in him that she thought she was drowning. All there were, were various sensations licking up every inch of her being. The feel of his lips against hers, his tongue rolling with hers in her mouth. The feel of his hands as they ran through her hair, pulling her closer to him – the moan he released into her mouth at the taste of her. The smell of him – curiously, of wood smoke, musky cologne, and horses -- as it filled her nose. The peculiar way that the cold had disappeared, only to be replaced with a fire that threatened to burn her from the inside out.

 

She wondered if he felt the same.

 

He released her after a moment, and they sat there for a moment, clinging to each other, as if they were terrified of letting each other go. That this entire evening had been nothing more but a delicious daydream. They didn't want it to end.

 

They never wanted it to end.

 

It seemed as if things had been building to a head between them, and just now, it threatened to pop. She felt a tug towards him from deep within her belly – an aching, keening want. She didn’t remember ever wanting Davie Thurmond as much as she wanted John Seed right there, right at that moment. She didn’t even know if she had ever wanted Joseph, more than she wanted John, at that moment.

 

“John, I --”

 

And then he pulled away.

 

Shifting backwards, away from her, he moved back to his dinner. She watched him go, confusion written over every pore and line in her body. Shaking her head, she seemed to deflate. “John, what --?”

 

“The hell?” He asked as he speared a piece of chicken with his fork before popping it in his mouth. Shrugging, he chewed before swallowing and gazing at her. “I told you I didn’t want you until you were begging me. You’re not begging me.” Running his eyes over her quickly, noting the trembling of her frame with barely restrained desire cut suddenly, cruelly short, he shot her a soft look. “Not yet, anyway.”

 

Her confusion disappeared, only to be replaced with anger – _sweeping_ anger – at that soft look. “You fucking bastard!” She spoke, and John gave another shrug.

 

“Lilith, I told you --”

 

“Shove whatever you told me up your ass, John Seed!” She hissed before angrily pushing herself away from the table. “I practically throw myself at you and you drop me?” She looked away, so he wouldn’t see the hurt tears beading in her eyes. “Just . . . _fuck_ you!” 

Turning, she marched out of the dining room to the hall leading to her room, swiping away at the tears as they came.

 

* * *

 

John had watched her go, and the loud sound of her bedroom door slamming shut behind her, seemed to reverberate through his entire being. Slowly rising to his feet, he stood there, leaning on his hands on the table for a minute before, seemingly trying to collect himself, when suddenly, with a roar, he swept everything off the table to the floor with a great crash of sound that seemed to echo throughout the entire house. Plates and glasses shattered, candles broke and were immediately snuffed out. Vegetables and chicken went flying and skittering across the wood floor, while champagne from the broken bottle started pooling around his booted feet. Why had he done that?

 

 _Why had he fucking done that_?

 

He had had her – he had _fucking_ had her! He could have had her right there on the fucking _table_ or on the fucking rug underneath his feet, if he had wanted to; he could have _finally_ put all his torturous dreams of her to rest! He could have loved her all he wanted to – after everything he had done, all he patience he had, had – he had _fucking had her_! And he had _fucked_ it up!

 

So why didn’t he? Was it because he was _jealous_? Jealous, that she had seen her ex – had _talked_ to her ex? It hadn’t matter she had told him it was _him_ he wanted to fuck, and not cute farm boy Davie Thurmond. She wanted _him_!

 

Had he really allowed his jealously to rule him that way?

 

How could he have been so _fucking_ stupid!

 

There was the sound of bootfalls on the floor, and two Chosen entered the living room. Unperturbed, completely unfazed, they gazed at John. They were long used to John’s destructive rages. “Need us to do anything, sir?” They asked, and John nodded, breathing hard, as his hands gripped his hips hard to bruise.

 

“Yeah . . . get someone to clean this shit up. I’m going to bed.”

 

* * *

   

_She lay there, her eyes closed, and for a moment, she didn’t know where she was. Then, it slowly came to her in the slight rustling of the tree branches above her; in the creaking of the strong boughs, and the whispering of the warm summer breezes through the rich grass. The smell that flavored the air, was that of apples, just beginning to seed, when they were formed as hard little green balls on the tree limbs._

 

_She was lying the bed of a truck . . . a thick pile of blankets and pillows beneath her, and she knew she was with Davie Thurmond. That this was one of those nights that she had agreed to meet him here, in their favorite spot in all the apple orchards in Hope County. The spot where the beautiful trees surrounded them, but not enough to obscure the brightness of the stars in the night sky . . . where they could laze around after making love and pick constellations out of the sky . . ._

 

_Except . . . something was different._

 

_The piles of blankets and pillows were different. The pile Davie always made for her, wasn’t nearly this thick and luxurious. And the smell – they smelled differently, too. They smelled like --_

 

_“Hey . . . sleepyhead . . . you in there?”_

 

John _._

 

 _Her eyes opened, and she saw him lounging on his elbow above her, his eyes crinkled with amusement, his smile loving as he gazed down at her. They were naked, lying there in the bed of that immaculately clean white Ram truck of his. She gazed up at him for a moment, at a complete loss as to what to say. Davie Thurmond always took her to the apple orchard, not John. Her and John had yet to sleep together – he had spurned her that evening at dinner -- what_ was _this?_

 

 _She opened her mouth to speak, but John interrupted her by heaving a great contented sign as he fell back against the blankets and pillows beneath them, beside her, his hands cradling the back of his head. She turned her head to watch him go, her eyes unable to gaze down past his sternum. Not that she didn’t_ want _to, she was literally_ unable _to._

 

_"This was a good idea, you know? So peaceful . . . just us out here, one with nature – with God.” He turned his head to gaze at her, his eyes soft. “Jesus, you’re so beautiful!”_

 

 _Davie Thurmond had told her she was beautiful before. Many, many times had those words left his lips. But never in the way John had said them to her. Never in the way he had_ meant _them. Not in the way he looked at her while he said them._

 

_She moved, then. Rolling atop him, every plain, hill, and valley of their bodies meeting, she moved to run her fingers through that thick dark hair of his. She bent down and kissed him, and their kiss – oh, the heat! How it threatened to scorch them both from the inside-out!_

 

 _She felt him stir against her thigh as they kissed, tongues rolling, filling – the length of him hot and insistent, the velvety smoothness of him threatening to become quite a stubborn, consistent presence there. When they broke apart, her nails raking gently through his beard, she felt – no_ knew _! – that there was nowhere else in the entire world that she would rather be at that moment, than right there, lying naked in the back of John Seed’s truck with him in one of Hope County’s numerous apple orchards._

 

_"I love you, Lilith.” He murmured, his eyes closing as their forehead touched, and she smiled as she pressed a loving kiss to his head._

 

_“I love you too, John.”_

She awoke from the dream, gently and slowly – not at all abruptly like you saw on TV and in the movies when the star actress has such a similar dream and lunges up in bed with eyes wide, a scream or a gasp tearing loose from her lips. Her heart was beating faster than normal, though, as was her thoughts, as they whirled through her head with the ferocity of hurricane winds.

 

Turning her head, she looked out the nearby window. It was edging towards dawn – that special time of day when the entire world seemed to take on that beautiful light blue hue. It was her favorite time of day, when everything was still and quiet, and the world smelled fresh with dew. The time of day she lay there, alone, in her big bed, heart beating faster than normal, thoughts whirling like mad through her head, and her heart aching because the dream she had was far sweeter than any she had ever had before.

 

She didn’t love him – not in the way she knew Davie had taken it when she told him she did -- although she knew John loved her. She tried to keep telling herself that it was Joseph she loved – that she had loved Joseph since she was a little girl – but the more she was around John, the more she realized that those words were flimsy, if not quickly becoming an outright lie. Maybe at one point, they were the truth, but now, they were a pale imitation of what she was _beginning_ to feel for John. Did he plan this the entire time? Did he intricately plan out every touch, soft look, kind word, in the hopes that she would love him? And what about last evening, when he had made a move and then cruelly rebuffed her? She had heard his tantrum in the dining room after she left, but still . . . she couldn’t help but wonder, before: “What do I do?” appeared in her head. A more important question, she figured.

 

Throwing back the covers, she shivered in the cool air. That was the thing about Montana: it was always cold in the mornings, even in the summer.

 

Her bare feet hit the wooden floor as she stood, and she shivered again, her arms crossing in front of her chest as her hands gripped her upper arms. She stood there for a moment, feeling terribly uncertain about a whole manner of things. Where her life was going, for one -- how she had gotten to this point – _what_ did John mean to her, and how exactly was he going to factor into her future? _Was_ he even her future, or was it Joseph?

 

She was moving before she even realized she was doing it. She left her room and turned right down the hallway. Padding silently down the hall, she neared the door at the end she knew would be unlocked. Maybe not necessarily for her, but . . .

 

She paused outside this door, uncertain if she should enter. Her hand hovered inches away from the knob, body shaking slightly in the cool air of the house. Eventually, she grasped the doorknob, and, with one palm lying flat on the wood, gently pushed it open.

 

It was darker in John’s room than it was in hers, for his curtains were drawn, but the blue dawn had definitely managed to creep it’s way in to cast it’s hauntingly beautiful light around the modest space. The bed was tucked against the northern wall, and John lay sleeping on his back on the left side, closest to the door. Head turned into the pillow, one arm arched over his head while the other rest on his tattooed stomach, Lilith padded her way over to him. Her heart pounded in her throat, forming a knot there that was hard to swallow past. He looked so peaceful, lying there asleep. A being far lovelier than any mortal. Did she dare disturb him . . .?

 

She got to her knees beside the bed when she finally reached him, and swallowed hard before reaching out and slowly, gently running her fingers through his hair. The effect was instantaneous: he jerked awake, blinking blearily in the pre-dawn hours, and a look of confusion entered his eyes as he gazed at her. He rubbed at the sleep in his eyes as he shifted slightly to lean on his elbow.

 

“Wha – Lilith? What’s wrong? What are you doing here?”

 

“John aren’t you afraid?” She asked before she could stop herself, her voice quiet, slightly fearful, and her words only caused the look of confusion on his face to deepen.

 

“Afraid? Lilith, what are you talking about? Why are you here? You’re supposed to be asleep --!”

 

“Aren’t you afraid to love me, John?” She asked, interrupting him mid-sentence, and the look of confusion disappeared from his face, only to be replaced with one of expressionlessness as she continued: “If what Faith and Jacob said is true, and Joseph considers me his, then aren’t you afraid of loving me? What if I get taken away from you -- aren’t you . . . why would you even want to risk it?”

 

His face softened, and he shifted slightly closer to her on his elbow. “Lilith, sweetheart, listen to me --!”

 

“John, shh . . .” She spoke, her the tip of her finger meeting his lips, and he obediently ceased, although his eyes watched her, very much awake now, and containing an emotion she wasn’t entirely sure she knew how to decipher. “I . . . I’m not begging you – not yet. But I . . . I do want to be here, in this bed with you. Can we do that? Just . . . sleep. Together? I’m tired of being alone in this big empty house without you. I’m tired of trying to sleep at night, all the while knowing that just you’re just the down the hall, patiently awaiting me. I’m here now, John, and I’m . . . it’s something, isn’t it? It’s a start, isn’t it?”

 

He stayed silent for a moment, gazing at her, before he scooted backwards. Lifting the covers, he smiled. “Come on, hurry up. You look like you’re freezing!”

 

Something made her pause. He was naked under the covers, she knew. Didn’t know _how_ she knew – maybe from the dream? -- just that he was. And while it didn’t bother her – not really – she was suddenly aware that she had just lied to him.

 

This was her, here, begging him.

 

Slowly, she got to her feet, and his eyes followed her, even as she took a step back. The hand holding up the covers fell limply back to the bed, as her hands grasped the bottom of her chemise, where she slipped it over her head. It fell in a puddle of white silk at her feet, leaving her standing bare before him. Her heart was beating in her throat again. His eyes had darkened, becoming sapphire pools of desire. He licked his lips, his hand curling into a tight fist against the mattress.

 

“Lilith . . .” He began, his voice choked, but then stopped, not knowing what to say, and she took his momentary lapse in speech, as her chance to slip into the bed beside him. The sheets were cool, but his body was an inferno. 

 

Her fingers smoothed through his beard again before they hooked around the back of his neck. She pulled him down, their lips meeting, and after a moment of slight hesitation on John’s part, the kiss they shared was a slow, sweet one. The fingers of her free hand slid through his hair as their tongues slid -- each taking the time to explore the other that they hadn’t had the time to during dinner that night. His hand was smoothing across her body, starting in her hair, before moving down her neck, to cup and massage her breasts for a moment, before sliding down the flat plain of her stomach. It disappeared beneath the covers, and she gasped into his mouth when she felt his fingers explore her body, gently probing, delving. She felt her spine warm with desire for him – a slow curling of heat in her lower stomach stoked by his intimate touches, and soon, she was arching against him, clinging to him tighter – bringing his body down tighter against hers. She was begging him, exhaling heated breaths into his mouth, and then his fingers left her, his hand withdrawing from between her legs.

 

He was on top of her, then, and her legs parted for him – her thighs settling on either side of his hips. Fingers running through each other’s hair, lips never parting for long, she shivered in uncontrolled desire when she felt the tip of him against her, before experiencing a sort of queer freefalling of her stomach. She had never slept with anyone aside from Davie Thurmond, before. What if the deed was committed and he was dissatisfied? What if it happened and he was done with her – threw her out of the ranch on her ass? What if --?

 

And then slowly, inch by excruciating inch, he filled her, and her thoughts all turned into one giant jumble of incoherency.

 

She closed her eyes, his name falling in a sigh from her lips as she clung to him, and she felt his lips press a tender kiss to her forehead as he began gently rocking his hips against hers. He was bigger than Davie had been – she had the feeling of being stretched almost to the point of pain. But each slow withdrawal of him from her body before slowly re-entering – of a gradual increase of speed – caused the pain to disappear, only to be replaced with a slow stoking of that heat which had settled in her lower stomach.

 

It felt exquisite.

 

“John . . .”

 

“ _Fuck_ , Lilith . . .!”

 

He came to a stop for a moment, his forehead against hers, his eyes closed, and she knew this was him taking a moment to rein himself back under control. Him trying to keep himself from pounding away at her into the mattress! This was their first time together. He wanted to go slow – wanted to savor every moment between them – commit it all to memory.

 

When he was sure he could continue without immediately making a fool of himself, he began again, his hips rocking against hers with a gradual increase in speed. He didn’t stop this time, and by the time they lay there, moaning, and groaning, and racing together towards that blindingly white-hot peak, John had no intention whatsoever of stopping.

 

“John . . . _shit_ , John!” She gasped out, hands gripping him, nails biting into the flesh of his arms and shoulders. Her back was arched against him, legs tightening around his fast thrusting hips. Her nipple was in his mouth, his tongue tracing intricate patterns into the tight areola. His hand was between their bodies, stroking her, making her speed faster towards that blinding peak. Her mind was full of him fit to bursting, until . . .!

 

She gasped, her head thrown back against the pillow as she was hit by a full-body orgasm that was better than any she had ever experienced with Davie Thurmond. She couldn’t moan out, could barely even _breathe_! It was euphoric, baptismal – something that damn near resembled a rapture! She clung to him as her body went rigid, and when he felt her clamp onto him in her orgasm, he came himself inside with her with a groan of her name, his head falling forward to rest on her chest. His hips stilled between hers as he flooded her with his seed.

 

“ _Fuck_ , Lilith!” He groaned out, eyes squeezed tight. His free hand that had not been busy working her between them, had balled into the sheet underneath them. He had ripped it free of the mattress in his release.

 

They lay there, catching their breath for a moment, his head pillowed on her breasts, her fingers running soothingly through his hair. “What the fuck . . .?” He eventually breathed, and immediately felt her chest rumble in a laugh from underneath him.

 

“What? That good?” She asked, and he nodded.

 

“Fuck . . .” He laughed, “fuck” being seemingly the only word he could say. “We should have done that sooner, Lilith!”

 

“Mmm, can’t change that. We can, however . . .” She trailed off, squirming her hips from where he was still buried so intimately inside her, the motions causing a flicker of life to spark up in his cock. “Make up for lost time.”

 

John laughed and pushed himself off her, where he gazed down at her. “Sweetheart, it’s almost time to get up.” He spoke, and she shook her head as she reached up to bring him down to her, where their lips met. They lay there and kissed for a moment, slowly, sensually, and when they finally broke apart, John closed his eyes and swallowed hard, his cock quickly rising to the occasion again.

 

“Your going to be the death of me, aren’t you, sweet Lilith?”

 

“Depends . . .” She spoke before arching a brow at him. “Can I be on top this time?” 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deeply apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I know a vast majority of you have been waiting for this next chapter with bated breath, and I apologize for the wait. Life seems to happen at the most inopportune of moments, so I haven't found as much time to write as I normally do. That being said, this is a nice long chapter full of drama, so I hope this makes up for my absence. 
> 
> Warning:  
> Sexual Assault/Dubious Consent

* * *

 

“I'm standing in the flames  
It’s a beautiful kind of pain  
Setting fire to yesterday  
Find the light, find the light, find the light

 

Feel the burn, watch the smoke as I turn  
Rising, a phoenix from the flames  
With wings I will fly”

\-- “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem feat. Sia

 

* * *

 

“I’ll be back.”

           

Jacob’s hand shot out and grabbed ahold of her upper arm, causing Faith to stop in her tracks. Brows furrowing in confusion, she gazed at him, noting his expressionless face but his deeply uncertain eyes. He was chewing on the thumbnail of his left hand while his right had a firm hold of her arm as he leaned against the bed of his truck. The church loomed before them, all white clapboard and dusty front yard.

 

“What?” She eventually asked, and he gazed at her silently for a moment before taking his thumb away from his teeth.

 

“You know what he’s going to ask, right? He asks it of you every time you have a “talk” with him.”

 

She gazed at him for a moment before swallowing down the hard lump that had been forming in her throat since they first arrived. Eventually, she gave a stiff nod. “Y-yeah. I know.” There was a pause. “You know I’m going to have to do it, right? That I must do it _every time_ he asks me to, right?”

 

Heaving a sigh, Jacob nodded and looked away. “Yeah . . . yeah, I do. It used to bother me at first. Then I figured out I’d rather you’d be doing this, than letting him have his way with you in other ways.”

 

She moved then, to frame his face with her hands. Gently forcing him to look at her, she gave him a watery smile thanks to the tears that threatened to bead in her eyes. “This baby, Jacob . . . Jesus Christ, I hope to hell you know this baby is yours! Because I promise you, Jacob Seed, that I have _never_ been with Joseph in that way. _Please_ tell me you know this!”

 

He nodded, and, reaching out, slid a warm, callused palm underneath her shirt, where it rested over her stomach. “Yeah. Yeah, I know it. I know he wishes it and hates it that you won’t. Doesn’t mean I still like what he has you do, either.” He smiled, although the smile was tight, unforgiving. “I love you, Faith. I’m not sending you into the lion’s den without you knowing that.”

 

She returned his smile and hastily wiped away her tears with her fingers. “Yeah. Yeah, I know it. I love you too. And I wasn’t _about_ to go into the lion’s den without you knowing that.” She replied, mimicking him, and he smiled and curled a hand around her hip, bringing her against him as their lips met. She allowed him to kiss her for a moment before gently pulling away. A hand remaining on his chest over his heart, she moved to leave him.

 

“I’ll be back. Won’t be long, okay?” She spoke, and he nodded, reaching up to grasp her hand, where he squeezed it.

 

“I know. He never does last long.”

 

She shot him a wink and a grin. “You only have yourself to thank for training me so well.” She teased and was rewarded by a half-hearted smile.

 

“Don’t say things like that, Faith. You make me feel like John.”

 

The smile disappeared from Faith’s face. She shook her head, a determined look appearing on her face. “No. _Don’t_ fucking say that! I’ll be damned if Lilith ends up like me!” She spoke, and Jacob laughed and shook his head.

 

“You better hope she does, Faith. Because after what we did, she’ll be lucky if Joseph gives her and John the kind of out we got.” His head continued to shake. “But don’t count on it. I guarantee you we taught Joseph his lesson. And that he’s not going to be nearly as stupid as to let John and Lilith repeat us.”

*** 

“Don’t you ever sleep?”

 

Joseph turned around at the waist to gaze at Faith as she moved slowly up the red-carpeted aisle towards where he knelt in prayer in front of his podium. Smiling wanly, he shook his head and got to his feet.

 

“No. Rarely. I find I do not need much sleep anymore.”

 

Nodding, she finally crossed the distance between them and stopped. “You’ve always been that way. When you were a child, you never slept long, and when you were a baby, you never slept longer than five hours at a time. Not compared to John or Jacob, anyways. Momma always said you got that from daddy.”

 

She was standing near the steps leading up to where he was standing before the podium, and he descended these steps to stand in front of her. He wasn’t as tall as Jacob was, but he still stood a good amount above her. His gaze through his yellow shades was penetrating – almost painful. But then again, he knew her every little secret, didn’t he?

 

A heavy silence had blanketed them as he reached out and gently slid a lock of her hair behind her ear. Her heart pounded in her chest with the beat of a wardrum. “I hear you have news. Joyous news. You are carrying Jacob’s child again.” He spoke, and she nodded.

 

“Yes. Three months, give or take a week or two.”

 

He nodded. “You know, when I found the two of you together that one night while momma and daddy slept off their drunkenness . . . in the barn . . . I wondered why you had never chosen me. I wondered what it was about Jacob that had drawn you to him so . . . what about him that most made you resemble a moth to a candle’s flame. Even now, it puzzles me. If you would have only chosen me, Serena, you would have become my Grace, instead of Jacob’s Faith.”

 

_They had been young back then . . . Jacob had been in his mid-twenties, Faith, a young twenty. He had come back fresh from the front – steeped in nightmares and guilt. He had come back to them damn near a broken man. But she had been so full of joy to see him, and when they had hugged upon his return home, she had felt it. He had too, she knew. Something had changed between them while he was gone. Something deep. Something that ached and keened._

_They had felt a draw to each other for years up until that point – a draw they knew was wrong, even though they couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. They weren’t blood . . . so why did the heated looks Jacob and Faith – then, though, she had been Serena – share, make them feel ashamed? He supposed he had hoped the feelings would go away while he was gone, shipped overseas to fight a war the instigators would never see for themselves. He hadn’t been aware of the_ relief _he would feel at knowing they hadn’t gone, though._

_At least those – that one tiny facet of his life – hadn’t changed._

 

Joseph’s thumb skated across her bottom lip, and she swallowed hard the second lump that had formed in her throat. “Perhaps it was because I sensed he needed me more than you did.” She spoke, and his head rose slightly, although his gaze did not leave hers. “Or maybe I just didn’t like the name “Grace”. Still don’t, if I’m being honest.”

 

_It was his first flashback after arriving home. Some asshole neighbor kids setting off fireworks that sounded like gunshots and mortars. He had left them, run off into the barn to cling to the last remaining vestiges of his sanity – so that his family, his brothers especially, would not see how hard their former titan of a brother, had fallen._

_Serena had gone after him. She was not afraid of what she would find. She was only concerned. Fully aware that, that aching, keening part of her was desperate to see how he was doing. To see if he needed her._

_When Jacob had first grabbed her and pulled her to him in the barn after he had somewhat regained his sanity – after he had first captured her lips with his, she fought him. Had protested – had said “no” over and over again. What he wanted them to do – it was wrong! Had he listened? No. It was something now Faith was grateful for. If he had listened to her, she never would have found the love of her life – the one person she loved above all else in this world._

_So, Jacob had let her struggle, had let her say her “no’s” – had let her get all her fight out. By the time he was done with her, she was exhausted – sick to death of fighting that ache for him inside her. He had her on her hands and knees in the straw in front of him, and she was gasping, panting, and begging for him to take her while her own hands shook while trying to slide her panties down her legs, and while he quickly undid his own belt-buckle and jeans. And when he finally did and slid himself in to the hilt inside her, she had to bite down on her arm so hard to keep her moans, and pleas, and whimpers quiet, that she drew blood. He froze, mind temporarily going numb at the feel of her. She quivered before him – a bow strung taut – whimpering every time his cock throbbed inside her, and for the first time since stepping off that military plane, he felt like he was home._

_She hadn’t known Joseph had seen the whole thing_. 

 

“It was always him. Always him you looked upon with love and desire.” Joseph spoke, and Faith gave him a pointed look.

 

“I always looked at you and John with love, as well, Joseph.” She spoke, and Joseph shook his head.

 

“Not the way you looked at Jacob. Not the way I _wanted_ you to look at me. Why him, Faith? What made him so different from me?”

 

 _It was only afterwards as they knelt there on the straw-strewn floor of the barn, chests heaving that Faith felt a great weight seem to lift from her shoulders – from her_ soul _! She had long considered Jacob and herself soldiers-in-arms, the two of them trying their best to blunt the worst of their parents rages onto Joseph and John. For so long she had lived with guilt inside her – that she looked at Jacob and saw, not her brother, but the man she loved and desired. For so long, she had felt shame that it was Jacob’s face and name that came to her lips and head when she touched herself at night – his name she choked on when she came._

 _With that release – that one soul-shattering orgasm – she felt whole and complete. Turning, they had clung to each other, weeping, murmuring sweet nothings – speaking words of love that were long overdue. Finally –_ finally – _they had each other._

 

Faith shook her head. “You wouldn’t like the answers to those questions, Joseph.”

 

His eyes were hooded as he gazed at her. Finally, his hands landed on her shoulders. They squeezed gently before she felt an added pressure guiding her to her knees before him. “Kneel, Sister . . .”

 

She hit the floor, the wood feeling rough and unsanded through her jeans. Tears streaked down her cheeks. _Think of Jacob_. She thought. _Think of your child._

 

“And pay homage to your Father . . .”

 

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath and an even deeper prayer. Eyes opening, she slowly released the breath as her hands rose and she began undoing the buckle to his belt.

 

“And remember Faith: better you than Lilith, right?” He spoke, and she could sense the maliciousness in his voice. For a moment, she panicked inside, knowing she had it completely wrong the entire time – both her _and_ Jacob. Joseph didn’t want Lilith – he had never wanted Lilith. Not truly, anyway. He wanted _her_. But he couldn’t have _her_. So, this was the abuse they got.

 

She took him in her mouth, her hands settling on his thighs. He groaned, head falling back as his hand came up, his fingers burying in her hair to cup the back of her head. _This is fine, though_ , She thought. _Allow John to have his happiness. For however little time he has it. I’ll gladly allow him that._

 

She closed her eyes. She thought of John. Of Lilith. Of anyone that was _not_ Joseph. But mostly, as his hand tightened in her hair, and her motions grew more frenzied, her cheeks hollowing as she desperately fought to get him off, she thought of Jacob. Of the baby she carried. The baby that wouldn’t exactly make up for JJ but would maybe come close.

 

His breathing tore more ragged from his lungs. His fingers tightened in her hair, drawing her closer. She gagged when he hit the back of her throat and he groaned. She swallowed, her throat muscles contracting around his head, and she heard him take the Lord’s name in vain as he suddenly came. The suddenness of it took her by surprise and she struggled to swallow and not gag at the flood of saltiness that filled her mouth. She felt disgusted, used, abused . . . practically shoving him away from her, she fell back on her haunches, her eyes moving to glare at the scarlet carpet beneath them as her hand flew to her mouth, to wipe away the spit and come that had accumulated there.

 

She wanted to vomit. She knew she would as soon as she left that church, and Joseph’s presence. She always did. Like clockwork. In the same exact place. Ten minutes down the road, Jacob would pull over on the shoulder on their way back, and she would stumble from the truck. Falling to her knees in the heather and high grass, she would puke until she couldn’t anymore – until her stomach muscles would contract painfully. Later, when they were home, she would drink an entire mason jar of moonshine, not caring about the way it left her throat feeling like raw sandpaper, only caring that the taste of Joseph’s come would be out of her mouth.

 

Her hand flew to her stomach. She couldn’t do that now, though. She would have to find something else non-alcoholic to guzzle when she got home. Pretty sure they had a jug of orange juice still in the fridge.

 

“Thank you, as always, Sister.” Joseph spoke, panting, as he tucked himself back into his jeans. He left the zipper and button undone. She didn’t look at him. The thought of seeing that light dusting of dark hair below his navel that disappeared into his jeans, threatened to drive her insane.

 

“Lilith . . . Joseph, we need to talk about --”

 

“You want me . . . to leave Lilith and John alone. Don’t you?” He asked. She remained quiet, still unable to look at him, and Joseph laughed. “Faith, look at me.”

 

She shook her head. “No.”

 

“Faith. _Look_. At me.”

 

Her eyes closed. She squeezed them. Swallowed hard. Then, opening them, she turned her eyes up to his. His face was expressionless, his gaze as cold and unrelenting as the winter snows.

 

“You want me to leave and Lilith and John alone? Completely and utterly? Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll leave them alone. I’ll even give them permission to wed. Have children. But on one condition,” Faith’s heart pounded in her chest. The sharp burn of tears filled her eyes. She knew what he was going to say. And she knew she would turn him down. Because no matter how much she loved John, she was weak. And selfish. So goddamn selfish. “You give birth to Jacob’s squalling brat, then you come to me. Forget him and become mine. Give yourself to me completely and utterly. You do that, and I will release them. You have my word.”

 

She remained silent as she shakily rose to her feet. She avoided his gaze again. For once, there was none of her normal strength and resilience. She felt weak. Cowardly. And so, _so_ goddamn selfish.

 

“I’ll see you Sunday.” She murmured, and the smile he gave her was gentle, loving. She could have puked right then and there but didn’t.

 

“Go in peace, Sister Faith.”

 

Turning, legs shaking like they were made of Jell-O, she left the church. Jacob was still waiting for her by the truck, and she avoided his gaze, as well, as she slowly made her way down the steps and towards him. She could feel his eyes boring into hers – could sense the overwhelming anger and rage that seethed through his skin like a miasma. He _stank_ of it.

 

“Faith . . .”

 

Shakily, she reached out a hand and grasped the side of the truck bed. The metal was cool and soothing beneath her palm as she used it as a crutch to get to her side of the truck. She wanted to lay her head against it. His voice stopped her, though.

 

“Jacob let’s go.”

 

“Faith wait!” He spoke again, his hand reaching out. His fingers curled around her lower arm, where he gripped it tightly. She felt him pull on her – bringing her to him, and she shied away, knowing what he wanted, and knowing that she couldn’t bare to give it to him.

 

“Jacob, no . . . no, I’m not going to . . .”

 

“Why not?” He spoke, fiercely, his lips inches from hers. He wanted to kiss her. To hold her – to offer her any semblance of comfort he could. Finally, her eyes rose to his, tears now free to fill them. She shook her head.

 

“I don’t want to kiss you with my mouth tasting like his come instead of yours. I’m not going to fucking do it. So, don’t you dare make me.”

 

He swallowed hard and nodded as he released her. “Okay. Okay . . .”

 

She nodded. “Let’s go home.”

 

He nodded again. “Yeah . . . that’d be best.”

 

She moved to her side of the truck and opened the door. Slowly sliding in, she was aware of Jacob lingering by his side of the truck for a moment before finally coming to the driver’s side. His hand grasped the handle for a moment before he released it and leaned on the door, where he glared at her.

 

“I’m going to kill him one of these days, Serena. I fucking you promise you!” He spoke, rage lacing his voice, and she shook her head.

 

“No, you’re not.” She spoke, through seemingly numbed lips, and he released a snort of laughter.

 

“And why the fuck not?”

She turned a tear-filled gaze onto him. “Because that’s not what God has in store for you, Jacob.”

 

* * *

 

A warm shaft of summer sunlight found a chink in the gray curtains that hung in John Seed’s bedroom window. The thin chunk of light slid down the wall and then splashed liberally, painfully, and rather irritatingly across his face. He awoke slowly, in little contented sighs. He was warm and felt a solid presence at his side that was not usually there, but which was starting to become normal.

 

He took a deep breath, opened his eyes for a moment, and then quickly closed them as he flinched away from the intrusive sunlight, his hand coming up to shield his light sensitive eyes. Moving his head out of the heat of the beam, he tried opening his eyes again, and found himself staring at Lilith’s sleeping face.

 

A small smile caught his lips at one corner as he stared at this woman who had come into his life so easily and quickly. She was curled up next to him, naked, with only a thin gray sheet draped over her torso. Her long black hair was churned into tangles on the pillows and across her face. Her mouth was open slightly as she breathed, still caught deep in her dreams. Her bare legs stuck out of the sheet, feet tangled in the designer jeans they’d discarded so carelessly from him the night before.  One arm was beneath her pillow, the other resting limply in the meager space between their bodies.

 

He stared down at her in amazement and uncertainty, remembering all too well the things they’d done the night before – much of the week before then, too. He could still taste her arousal on his lips, could still hear her moaning in his ear. He could still remember the way her mouth had felt against his, the way her small, warm body had moved beneath, and clung, to his. He remembered the feel of her nails in the skin of his back and ass – the feel of her mouth around him. The way she looked at him as they fucked and made love . . . the way her blue eyes had sparkled in the night . . .

 

The air in his bedroom still smelled of their sex, combined with her gardenia-smelling perfume that he thought he could never get enough of. John propped himself up on one hand and allowed the gray sheets to pool around his naked waist. The shaft of sunlight warmed his back as he drank her in, watching her sleep with a deep feeling of satisfaction in his chest.

 

The sunlight shone on her pale skin with a luminous glow, and he lifted a hand, gently pushing a strand of her hair back from her face. He let his fingertips lightly caress down her neck, over her shoulder and then down the delicate ridges of her spine. Her skin was soft, and warm, and goosebumps chased the path of his fingertips. He noticed the claiming bite mark he’d put in her shoulder -- the offended skin red and slightly bruised – as well as the ones he had left on her hips and the insides of her thighs that he couldn’t see. He had a few marks himself, though -- all in the shape of her mouth and nails. They’d marked each other again and again, claiming and dominating by turns.

 

He reached the sheets around her waist, and let his fingers dip inside, sliding around to the small of her back and the beautiful curve of her ass. This touch was what caused her to take in a languorous breath, and to finally open her eyes. She flinched in the sunlight with a protesting noise and pushed her face into the crook of his neck.

 

“Mornin’ . . .” He breathed as he caressed her back. She tilted her head back and smiled at him with an almost shy expression that was oddly endearing. She was so fiery and spirited in everyday life, that seeing her shy now, almost made him smile in amusement.

 

“Morning _._ ” She replied as her fingers stroked lazily through the fine dark hairs on his taut lower belly.

 

“Sleep well?” He asked with a smile, as his cock, already at half-mast, twitched at the nearness of her hand, before hardening in anticipation of her touch.

 

“Mmm . . . yes, I did. Thank you for asking.” She spoke contentedly, the blue pools of her eyes shining almost mischievously as she moved a little closer to him. “Dreamed about you, actually.”           

 

His brows arched as he gave a laugh. “Did you, now? Hope it was a good dream.” He spoke as his hand came up to cup her cheek. She tilted her head back, blinking sleepily up at him.

 

“Oh, yes, it was, don’t worry.” She whispered. “What did you dream about?”

 

He gave another laugh. “I dreamed we were in church, Joseph about to sermonize. And this time, I didn’t have any pants on.”

 

That got a laugh out of her, and she giggled softly against him. He smiled a little, pleased to see her mirth. “And what did Joseph do, when he discovered you didn’t have any pants on?”

 

“Well, he wouldn’t look me in the eye, if you know what I mean!”

 

She laughed again and bit down on her lower lip. “I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t either . . .” Her hand slowly pushed down beneath the thin sheets to encircle the delicious thickness of his cock. He moaned a little and ducked his face against hers as his eyes fluttered closed.

 

“Lilith . . . _sweetheart_ . . .!”

 

“So, you didn’t dream about me _at all_?” She teased with her hand and her voice in equal measure, and a moan from him was her answer. As he tilted her face back and kissed her, soft, slow, and deep, not for the first time, Lilith Payne marveled at the fact that she could hold one of the most dangerous men in the world, in enthrallment with just one simple touch.

 

The kiss faded into more and more until they were moving against each other -- hands sliding over skin, caressing, stimulating, and finally – impatiently -- pushing the sheets aside.

 

He rolled her over onto her back as his mouth plunged against hers in a slow, sensual movement that seemed to go on without end. Lilith’s thighs opened for him as she eagerly pulled his heavy, arching body over hers with a respective, tight handhold on the back of his neck and his ass. Her hand moved from his ass to between them, where she guided him to her. He found her wet and ready for him as he broke the kiss.

 

They gazed at each other as she lay there and trembled on the bed beneath him; her hand still gripping a tight, almost controlling hold on the back of his neck. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and gleamed with a seductive light that caused the breath to be stolen from his lungs. She bit down on her swollen lower lip and then lifted her hips off the bed. His cock grazed her clit and then slid down into the wet heat of her.

 

Wordlessly, John pushed forward, the end of him meeting the beginning of her with a scorching hot thrust. Lilith’s head went back, a guttural moan ripping out of her throat as he sank into her wet warmth, his hips cradled against her spread thighs. Their gazes met once more, connecting, searching. He stayed still for a moment, reveling in the feel of her body welcoming him, still gazing deep into her eyes.

 

Lilith moved first, rolling her pelvis up off the bed again and sheathing him inside of her fully with a lazy smile. He moved inside of her, slowly, his hips shifting back and forward again, filling her deeper. Lilith bucked her hips upward in entreaty, fingers clenching one of his tattooed, muscled forearms as the other remained at his neck. John lowered his head, mouth devouring one of her breasts. He peppered kisses all over her flushed skin as he rocked forward, filling her with slow, languid strokes. His teeth plucked at her nipples and she gasped, writhing beneath him.

 

Their skin stuck together, stomachs bumping, sliding, hips grinding. He pressed her down, down, down against the mattress. His mouth trailed back to her neck, which she arched, giving him more skin to make love to. He eagerly found her pulse point, feeling the jump and twang of the vein as her heart raced in time to his thrusts.

 

He bit down, gently, hips rolling forward, crashing into hers. She gasped and rose to meet him, hands now on his tattooed chest. Her head threw itself back against the pillows. He kissed her chin, as one hand appeared on the underside of her left knee. Using this handhold, he lifted her hips further upwards to meet him. Her hands flew down, and her fingers clenched at his waist, where her fingers dug in.

 

For a few blissful hours, they were nothing more but a tangle of limbs and twisted, guttural moans. Fingers dug more flower bruises and teeth nipped and bit bite marks into hips and shoulders and everywhere they could reach, as they writhed together. They tore the sheets from the bed with animalistic grunts and moans that originated from within a deep, primal place inside them. John buried his face in Lilith’s neck and goosebumps rode up and down her spine as his mouth claimed her earlobe once more. Between lusty swirls of his tongue, he peppered her with loose, sighed words that made her clutch him to her and beg him for more – as much as he could give her.

 

Lilith shifted beneath his warm weight, hands splayed on his muscled chest. She rolled him over on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. He landed with a bounce, and she immediately moved to straddle his hips. Thrusting downward, impaling herself on him again and again with whimpered moans, John slid in easily and deeply, filling her with a wet urgency.

 

“Lilith . . .!” John breathed, fingers clenching and unclenching on her hips. Her hair tumbled down around her face and body, and she smiled at him through it. She circled her voluptuous hips slowly, and John’s eyes slammed shut. His head went back against the disheveled sheets, his hips thrusting upward to meet her. “For the love of God, keep doing that!”

 

“My pleasure . . .” Lilith breathed, as she grinded her hips down in tight figure eights, fingers running up and down the hard, muscled expanse of John’s chest. Quakes of pleasure vibrated through her rolling spine as she moved with him. Her hair kissed down her back, tickling. John watched her, swearing beneath his breath with every sinuous, fluid motion. He ran the hollow of his palm up her flat stomach, where, beneath her skin and snug between strong muscles, he was buried so intimately within her.

 

A twin explosion of pleasure rocked through them both, and John, impatient again, sat up, shifting so that she was against his chest. He kissed her hard, tongue thrusting into her mouth, his arms around her shoulders. Their stomachs slid together stickily, her hair swinging forward, curtaining their faces in a soft, raven colored haze. John cupped one buttock in his hand, slamming her down on him with gritted teeth.

 

Lilith cried out from the force, head going back, baring her neck to the Eden’s Gate Herald she had so recently taken to her bed. John attacked her throat with his mouth, licking up to her chin. Lilith lowered her face and he met her gaze. She gripped his shoulders; nails sinking into his skin, marking him for the seemingly eternal time. John thrust again, their bodies crashing together, stomachs spasming.

 

“John . . .!”

 

John devoured her mouth as another moan escaped past her swollen, reddened lips. His entire body felt like it was pulling tight, and he was desperate to crash over the edge and bring her with him. Her spine arched, hips working in taut, frantic circles on his cock.

 

Lilith finally cried out against his merciless mouth, as her fingers fisted in his dark locks; body jerking against his as a torrential orgasm slipped through them both. Everything inside of him was rocked by the explosion of emotion and light that played against the inside of his eyelids. He shuddered, coming inside of her with a soul-deep shiver as she clenched around him.

 

Slowly, their bodies stilled, her hips slowing to a stop in his hands. Their sweaty foreheads were pressed together, breaths mingling, her hair sticking to both their bodies. John affectionately bumped her nose with his, mouth open, tongue darting against his lower lip. His hands slipped down her sweaty back, drawing his name in cursive on her skin, as if meaning to brand her as his.

 

Lilith slanted her mouth against his. There were no words, really. They didn’t need to speak. He kissed her gently, without any of the urgency he’d been filled with before. He went slowly, savoring her, their bodies still tangled like roots in the earth. It wasn’t long before he was stirring inside her and moving her gently back down onto the savagely abused bed underneath them. They fucked slowly -- dream-like, almost -- toward a second climax that was even sweeter than the first, and when they were finished, they lay together in a tangle of powerful limbs and stained grey sheets.

 

Her fingers traced her name on the tattoo in the center of his chest right over his heart as a smile played on the corner of her swollen lips. Her skin shone in the morning sunlight. He’d never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

 

He smiled. “I think I’m spoiling you.” He spoke, and she grinned and laughed.

 

“You think?”

 

Rising from the bed, she stooped and picked up the jersey clothe robe slung over the back of the nearby armchair. “Need anything from the kitchen?” She asked, and he shook his head.

 

“No, I’m good. Going to take a shower in a minute. I smell . . . interesting.”

 

Chuckling, she rolled her eyes and left the room, where she padded down the hall to the kitchen. The answering machine light on the island countertop was blinking, so she hit the play button before she reached the fridge and opening it. Bending down, she withdrew the jug of orange juice before moving to a cabinet to fetch a glass.

 

It was strange, she though, how at home here she was now. It was as if she had always been here.

 

“ . . . Need you to call me back as soon as you get this. Your father doesn’t have much time. You need to come and see him.”

 

Lilith paused as the words of the answering machine finally cut through her inner monologue. Abandoning the orange juice and glass, she moved back over to the answering machine, where she rewound the message. When she hit play again, her heart sunk like a stone into her stomach when heard her mother’s voice, thick with tears.

 

“Lilith, there was an accident. I need you to call me back as soon as you get this. Your father doesn’t have much time. You need to come and see him.”

 

The message ended and another one immediately picked up. This time, it was Faith. 

 

"John, I need you to call me back as soon as you get this. Something . . . something happened. I . . . I don't want to talk about it over the phone, but I . . . Jesus Christ, just call me back, alright? Love you."

 

Lilith swallowed hard before turning on her heels and moving from the kitchen, where she headed back to the bedroom. She could hear the shower running, but it cut off as soon as John heard her calling his name.


End file.
